


I Am Happy Where I Am

by FrostyFingers



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyFingers/pseuds/FrostyFingers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending to The Kenyon Family and then some. Slow burn Lizzington, rated T since I'm not sure where this is headed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tmmachado](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmmachado/gifts), [redisthenewblackington](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redisthenewblackington/gifts).



"ATF's been over the grounds. They searched the buried containers. If you're wondering about what you stored there, it's long gone."

"What's this?" She asked, picking up a plastic card.

"A key. I bought you an apartment at The Audrey. Top floor. Splendid view of the Potomac."

"Why?"

"It's time to leave the motel behind."

"I'm happy where I am, thank you."

"You've been many things lately, Lizzie, but happy is not one of them. That motor lodge you call home crushes the spirit, smothers the soul," he told her seriously.

"And you think a view is gonna change that?"

"I once stayed in a villa at Bali with a view of the Indian Ocean. Every morning, all I saw before me was possibility... that and a gorgeous housekeeper named Putu."

The man was infuriating and once again Liz found herself wanting to hit him or stick another pen in his carotid. "Thanks but no thanks... I wish you'd stop."

"Stop what?"

"Trying. Stop hoping things are gonna get better between us. You and me, it's just business. That's all it's ever gonna be."

LizzgingtonLizzingtonLizzington

So this was offically her place now. Red hadn't lied when he had told her about the beautiful view. Overlooking the Potomac had a calming effect on her otherwise wired nerves. She had caved, even though she had wanted to stay strong this time… there was something about him and she just couldn't ignore how her heart clenched when she saw this irritating man hurting, hurting because of her. She still couldn't fathom just why that seemed to be the case.

She hadn't seen him since she'd left him sitting alone in her office. Once again, she had thrown hurtful things at him, telling him that they were strictly business and would never be anything else. She hated being such a bitch towards him, but she was too stubborn to do anything about it. It was a vicious cycle. On his way out, he had left the information for the apartment on her desk, hoping that maybe, maybe she would reconsider and at least take a look around the place. He had been right, she had reconsidered. She collected her belongings and drove straight to the address.

And here she was, in her new apartment, leaning against the window front and staring out into the darkness. Red had even taken the time to find her furniture, furniture she would have chosen for herself if she could've afforded it. He had taken her style into consideration while buying the high-end decor. She was tired and her new bed looked more appealing than the countless boxes she had already collected from storage. She was still reluctant to unpack her personal items. It was all so overwhelming, and she felt as if she just wasn't ready.

With a sigh, she pulled her sweater more tightly around her and walked over to the bed. She crawled between the sheets, noticing how he had chosen blankets instead of a comforter. He'd tried talking her into getting blankets for months, but she had always ignored him, and now she wanted to kiss him. Not kiss him kiss him, but… just… this was hard. She didn't want to think about the feelings she might or might not have, and Ressler bringing the topic up did not help at all.

She tossed from left to right, trying to find the most comfortable position, but somehow she wasn't even tired anymore. She was exhausted alright, but something kept her from relaxing enough to actually fall asleep. It was just too damn quiet. Back at the motel, she could at least hear her neighbors, but now all she could hear was her heart beating against her sternum. It was somewhat unnerving.

With a groan she flopped onto her back again. This was what she had been afraid of. The loneliness inside her was already tearing her apart. How things had changed… Without really understanding what she was doing or why, Liz grabbed her cell from the nightstand and quickly pressed speed dial seven. Even though she hadn't had Chinese take out in a while, it was still her number six. He picked up on the second ring.

"Agent Keen, what can I help you with?"

She hated it when he called her that, she knew he knew she hated it. "Red," she started, but didn't continue.

"Yes?" There was moment of silence. "Agent Keen?"

"Red…" she said again. How stupid she felt for even dialing. She should just hang up already.

"Lizzie? Are you alright?" She could hear the concern in his voice. However bad their situation was, he would always be worried about her. Upon realizing that for herself, she acknowledged just how badly she had treated him, all for no apparent reason. He was the only link to her past and she did believe that he was the only one that could actually keep her safe. "Lizzie?"

"Uhm… God, I shouldn't have called," she said, more to herself than to him.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

She shook her head, embarrassment coloring her cheeks. "I'm fine. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll see you on Monday… or something."

"Lizzie," he called out before she could hang up. "Talk to me." She stayed quiet, but he could hear her breathing. "Did something happen?"

She shuffled around and ended up sitting against the headboard. "The apartment. It's beautiful."

Red sighed in relief, now that he knew she was safe, he could relax somewhat. "You're at the apartment?" She made a noise of agreement. "Is everything to your liking?"

"It's perfect," she replied immediately. "Red, you really shouldn't have."

"I wanted to, and I want you to have a home again," he said softly. "Do you need help moving? I can call some people –"

"I've already gotten most of my boxes from storage."

"You should have called sooner, Lizzie. You don't have to do this alone."

She couldn't help but smile at his words. "I don't have much left anyway. It's fine." They fell into silence once more.

"Something is wrong," he said.

"Mh? What should be wrong?"

He made a displeased noise at the back of his throat. "You're stalling, Lizzie."

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Believe it or not, I always worry about you," Red told her softly and she felt her insides twist at the admission. "Tell me."

"I can't sleep," she blurted out and then slapped her forehead at her own stupidity. "Forget I said anything. I'm just tired and –"

"Lizzie?" He interrupted her rant.

"Yes?"

"I'll be right there," Red told her

LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington

There was a knock on her door about fifteen minutes later. Fifteen minutes she had spent pacing around her new place, fifteen minutes of fiddling her fingers, fifteen minutes of beating herself up over her over-emotional state of mind. She hurried towards the entrance and looked through the peephole before opening the door, revealing her favorite criminal all dressed up, as usual, with a bottle of wine in one hand and a pot with a violet orchid in the other. Of course she was absolutely underdressed in her yoga pants and loose sweater.

"I come bearing gifts," he said with a smile, reciting something he had said months ago.

She stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. "And here I thought you would let yourself in."

"I don't have a key."

"You don't?" She asked, surprised.

"I didn't want to overstep my boundaries."

She walked up to him then. "Let me take your coat."

Red turned to her and handed her the bottle and the orchid instead. "Take this. I got the rest."

"It's beautiful. Thank you, Red."

He hung his coat on the rack next to the door, putting his hat on top of it. "You're quite welcome, Lizzie. Let's open that bottle, shall we? I seem to recall buying a bottle opener."

Red found the tool easily and then proceeded to uncork the wine, after shooing her out of the kitchen and into the living room. He found her sitting on the edge of her new couch, her eyes moving around the wide space. He sat down next to her, careful to put enough space between them. He really didn't want to anger her again. She gave him a smile as she accepted the glass, before looking away again. They spent a couple of minutes in silence, both contentedly sipping their wine.

Leaning back against the couch, Red turned his body to face her. "I'm glad you reconsidered," he told her softly.

"Me, too. But you really shouldn't have, Red."

"I told you, I wanted to." She shook her head at that. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes."

Red put his glass on the small table in front of him and then leaned back into the cushion, draping one arm over the back of the couch. "It really shouldn't make you uncomfortable, Lizzie."

"It's too much."

He smiled at her. "It's not like I can't easily afford it."

"Still… I'm paying you back."

"No," he told her immediately.

"Red –"

"No, Lizzie. I'm not taking money from you." She sighed, dropping her head on the back of the couch, her hair landing on his outstretched hand. He had to refrain from playing with the silky strands. "Now, why can't you sleep? You do look tired."

"I am. It's… just very quiet."

"And the silence feels like the quiet before the storm," he said. "You're on alert." She turned her head to look at him, unaware that her hair tickled his skin. "You've had a tough year, I know. But believe me when I tell you that you're safe here. Security is one of the reasons I've chosen this place."

"I don't feel very safe lately," Liz said tiredly.

He winced at her words. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"I don't even remember the last time I really slept," she said, smiling humorlessly.

Red leaned closer and dared tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Why don't you go to bed and I'll stick around for awhile?" He asked, and then added, "I've always wanted to do some snooping around your things." She huffed a laugh at that. He stood up and held out his hand for her. "Come on, I'll tuck you in," he said with a grin.

His heart jumped when he felt her hand slip into his. He had missed her touch and this was already more than he could have hoped for. Together they walked to her bedroom and Red led her to the bed, switching on a lamp, before pulling back the blankets so she could get settled between the sheets.

It came to her then that he really was tucking her in. "I'd have never thought I'd prefer blankets over a comforter." He smiled gently, as he pulled the warm material over her body, making sure she was fully covered.

He stroked over her hair once. "Sleep, Lizzie. And try not to think too hard about me going through your belongings." He winked. "Goodnight, sweetheart," he said, turning to exit the room.

"Red?" She called out, stopping him before he could leave. He looked at her and Liz found it even harder to speak up now. She must be crazy for asking this at all. "Would you stay with me? Just for a while?" Red stared on, unsure of what to say exactly. "You don't have to," she hurried on. "Uh… I'm sorry, I'm more tired than I thought, I guess."

He took a calming breath and stepped towards her again. "Are you sure, Lizzie?"

She moved the hand that had covered her face and looked up at him and Liz realized that they were both at a vulnerable point right then. "It would make me feel a lot safer," she admitted softly.

Red nodded and shrugged off his jacket, and for a moment, she thought he would undress completely. What worried her more was that she wouldn't even mind. "I'll take off my vest and tie, if that's alright with you," he said, as if he had sensed her slight hesitation.

"Of course."

Giving her a smile, he made quick work of said items and carefully placed them on a nearby chair, before kicking off his shoes. He rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt and gingerly sat on the edge of the mattress. For a moment he contemplated sitting against the headrest, but then he decided against it, opting for lying down completely. "I must say, this mattress is very comfortable."

"Red?"

"Mhm?"

"Lying on top of the blankets is kinda making them too tight…"

"Oh… uh…" He shuffled around for a moment.

"Red," she said again. "Just get under them. You're movements are making me seasick."

He stopped immediately then. Sometimes she was just too much. Then he lifted his hips and pulled the blankets out from under him, before pulling them over his waist. He was already too warm. Was he getting nervous?

He felt the mattress dip slightly as she moved closer. He could feel the warmth radiating from her body. "Is this okay?" She asked gently.

Red would take everything he could get, so it was more than okay. "Come here," he said, stretching his arm over her head. She looked at him for a moment and he feared that she would reject his offer, but then she moved even closer and laid her head on his chest, her arm over his waist. Both sighed contently and Red closed his left arm around her back, holding her to him.

"Red?"

"Yes, Lizzie?"

"Thank you."

He smiled and then reached over to switch off the lamp on the nightstand, before placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Goodnight, sweetheart."


	2. Chapter 2

Sleeping with Lizzie was one of the most wonderful experiences that he had ever had, and they hadn't even done anything, but sleep. He hadn't slept that well in years and he knew that the young FBI agent was to be credited for that blissful night. The morning after, if you'd call it that, had only been slightly awkward. More for her than him actually, but he understood perfectly well. It wasn't easy for her to accept his help either, but she'd have to get used to it, because he had no intention to stop.

Although he'd made it perfectly clear that she shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed about needing the support of another human being, she'd yet again distanced herself from him, and Red hated how much it hurt.

She had a death wish. Sometimes he really just wanted to slap a little sense into her. He found it appalling that such a brilliant woman could, at times, be so incredibly stupid. Running after a serial killer without backup! Had she not learned anything? Of course they had fought again, just before her screw up, because he had called her out on her lie about having the Fulcrum. And then they fought again, after her screw up, when he called her out on her carelessness. She'd reacted childishly, asking if he would take away her phone privileges.

She'd told him that she had the item that he was seeking, but she wouldn't give it to him without getting some answers first. As usual, he couldn't give her the answers that she needed, and it only made her angry again. Before he could even try to stop himself, he had thrown her feelings in her face.

"I believe I know the real reason you don't want me to have the Fulcrum," he told her, and Liz turned back around.

"That is...?" She asked.

"Because you're afraid... that once you give it to me, you'll be of no further use to me and... you'll never see me again." He looked deeply into her eyes as he spoke, trying to catch her reaction to his words.

The pain he could see in her eyes was the very same pain running through his own body at the moment. He'd managed to hurt her again, because instead of reassuring her that he wouldn't leave her, he had acted like an A-class bastard once more.

And now, here they were, only days after their fight, still without any contact between them. With a new blacklister, at least he could still talk to her. He'd take whatever contact he could get. Red hadn't considered that Madeline would screw him over, but Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Because of her repugnant charade, he found himself standing on an auction block, and not as a bidder, but as merchandise instead. They'd outfitted him in a horrendous, borrowed tux. It wasn't his finest hour.

But then, he heard her voice and his heart fluttered in his chest. Not only did she look stunning, but she'd also come for him. Maybe he hadn't screwed up completely yet.

LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington

Just as Liz walked in, a keypad beeped and the door opened. She watched as a guard took a young boy out of his cage, "Excuse me. I'm looking for the Van Gogh. I paid a fortune for it."

The man looked at her and started shoo-ing her out. "All items are held until the end of the auction. You need to- Aah!" She stomped on his foot, making him double over in pain, before she delivered the blow to his head, knocking him out cold.

Liz took the boy's hand and said, "Come on. I'm getting you out of here. Come on. Stay with me." Together they quickly made their way to where Red was being held and she placed the kid against a wall. "Okay. Stay right here, okay?"

"Take me with you- Please!" A man cried out, sending shivers down her spine, but she had to hurry.

She quickly punched random buttons on the keypad, trying to unlock Red's cage. "We have to get these people out of here." It beeped, signaling her failure. "How do you open this thing?" She asked aloud, mostly to herself.

"Lizzie, you need to go," he finally spoke.

"Damn it! What's the code?" Her heart rate was picking up as she frantically tried to find the right combination to save Red.

"Listen to me," he started, drawing her attention to him. "I was brought in through a series of tunnels that way. If you hurry, you'll be miles away before they ever realize you're gone. Take the boy and go."

She looked over to the pale and frightened kid, not seeing how Red was looking at her, as if he were trying to take her in for the last time ever. "You could be killed," she said as her eyes shifted back to his once more.

"She's off the main floor. Split up. Check every room. Help me!" They heard through the unconscious man's headphone.

"Lizzie, you did everything you could. It's time to go. Go." They looked at each other for a moment and she knew, knew that he was right, but she didn't want to leave him. She would not say goodbye just yet. She took the boy by his hand and went to pick up the guard's weapon before the two of them quickly made their way towards the tunnels.

The door opened and a couple of armed men came in. "Spread out! We need to find that girl immediately. Okay, get in here. Get in here. Where the hell's the Peretti boy?"

Red sat down again, watching the scene before him. "I'm sure your friend with the glass jaw will enlighten you when he comes to. What's in this for you?"

"You wouldn't understand. You're not a King," came the answer.

The concierge of crime laughed out loud. "Funny. Your father used to say that exact phrase as if it somehow excused him from the use of logic."

"What's in it for me? Hmm. Legacy and the King family fortune."

"If this is just about the money, that would be so banal. I bet your father would trade it all for one more walk in the park with a good friend."

The man with the glasses punched in some digits on the keypad, opening the door. "Tell me... Where are all your good friends now, huh? If you think there's a soul in this world loyal to anything but your pocketbook, then you're the one who's excused himself from the use of logic. Your prize," he said, holding out a key to Yaabari. "Let's find that kid!"

LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington

Liz and the boy ran through the tunnels until they finally spotted the exit. Both were breathing heavily by now. "Vincent, I need you to run through that door. See it? Go as far as you can, okay?"

"You're not coming with me? You can't go back!"

There was no way she would leave Red behind. She would save him, even if she died trying. "Run. Go! Go!" She yelled at the boy and made her way back through the tunnel system.

LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington

"Yaabari, before you exact your vengeance, consider this: I could easily provide you with enough influence and firepower to crown yourself king. Isn't it time you stopped running through the forest playing army with a bunch of kids?" Red asked, looking at the man who had 'purchased' him.

"A generous offer, but I'm here for more than just my vengeance," he replied.

"I knew it. Who's backing you?"

"A man in Johannesburg has put a $40 million bounty on your head. I plan to collect it."

Red smiled at him. "Good luck. A lot can happen between here and Johannesburg."

"You will not be traveling to Johannesburg. You are not listening," Yaabari accused. "I said the bounty is on your head." He held up a bag and Red swallowed as he realized just what the man was saying.

They walked into a room and the African pointed to the floor and said, "Right here." Red was pushed to his knees on the hard tiles, grunting at the pain. He could hear the cocking of a gun. "Try not to take it personally. Business is business. In fact, Raymond, I've always been quite fond of you." Why was that man touching him all over? He didn't like being... fondled, at least not by a man.

"Can't tell you what a comfort that is to me," he replied sarcastically and then closed his eyes. This was it, this was how he would die. He had ended up in this hole because of Madeline Pratt. She'd played him once more. Now he would pay for all of his sins, and his head would be sold as a trophy. He hoped Dembe was alright and had gotten out of there. At least he had seen her one last time, had seen the way she had tried everything to get him out of the glass box. How beautiful she was... He had kept his promise to Sam, he had kept her safe, he hoped his people would continue doing so. His heart hurt, knowing that he would never see her again. "Lizzie," he whispered. His dying words should be the most beautiful name that had ever left his lips.

A gunshot rang and a weapon clattered on the tiles. Red turned as well as he could, a look of confusion and utter surprise, combined with relief at the sight of her. "Lizzie... The handcuff key's in his back pocket."

"Okay," she said, making her way over to Yaabari, before she started working on his cuffs. "Someone's gonna come back. We've got to get out of here."

He was finally out of there, finally out of that disgusting tux and back in his own clothes. Sitting in the back of his Benz, he waited for Dembe to finish talking to Ressler. He was exhausted and in desperate need of a Scotch or three. It had been an awful day.

The car door opened and Red watched as Lizzie entered, pulling the door shut behind her.

He looked at her for a long moment. "You can never do that again."

"You're welcome," she replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious," he told her. "You can... never do that again. Promise me."

Had someone hit him over the head? "We took down dozens of wanted criminals, recovered millions of dollars in stolen property, and saved innocent lives."

"I'm not talking about that."

Realization flooded her then. "You. You're talking about you. Wow. You are so damaged. You can't accept help from anyone. Has anyone ever helped you? Is that why you are the way you are? Because you don't feel deserving of it?" She noticed how shiny his eyes were. He wasn't even trying to hide his emotions from her. His mask was gone. Liz felt her own eyes stinging as tears were threatening to fall. "Is that why you can't be vulnerable for a second? I risked my life for you because I care about you. Deal with that," she told him, before she looked away. Her chest was heavy with emotion. She could have lost him today. "And when someone does something nice, you're supposed to say, 'Thank you.'" She went for humor, but failed miserably.

He hadn't looked away from her, his eyes mirroring the pain he was feeling inside. "Thank you," he spoke softly.

"You're welcome," she replied with a smile that was more of a grimace.

"But never do it again." She didn't like what he was implying. It hurt to hear him say things like that, as if he wasn't worth anything. It hurt so much and Liz had to look away from his unwavering gaze as the first tears started rolling down her face. Liz desperately wanted to touch him, make sure that he was indeed alright, that they both were, but she couldn't. He had always been the one to offer support and now that he wasn't, she didn't know what to do. So she just sat there, with tears running down her pale cheeks.

The driver's door opened and Dembe sat behind the wheel. He looked over his shoulder, but remained quiet, as he took in the sight before him. He had known Raymond long enough to know what was going on, so he didn't even ask for further directions, as he pulled away from the scene.

The silence in the vehicle was deafening, but it spoke volumes. Both individuals were hurting, but refrained from comforting the other. Sometimes he just didn't understand them, either of them. Dembe parked the car in front of The Audrey and waited. Nothing happened. "Agent Keen? We are here."

Both Liz and Red looked up as if they hadn't even realized they had arrived. The FBI agent licked her lips, tasting salt on them still, as she unbuckled the seatbelt. "Thank you, Dembe," she whispered.

Finally getting a grip himself, Red remembered his manners and made to get out of the car, so he could help her out, but she wouldn't let him and quickly opened the door herself. "Don't bother," she spoke in a voice that physically hurt his heart, almost crushing it.

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes as Dembe let his long time friend sort out what was bothering him, but it seemed as if the man had hit a dead end this time. "Raymond," he called out. The man in the back looked up and Dembe could still see the emotion swirling around in his eyes. "We've been friends for a long time, my brother." Red kept quiet, but he knew that the older man was listening. "I have never seen you like that before. I know how much she means to you, Raymond. You are both hurting, can you not see that?"

"I know," he rasped out, his hands moving up to cover his face. "I know."

"Raymond," he said, but the other man wouldn't look up. "Raymond!" The raised tone of his voice did the trick and both man looked at each other as he held out a little item that could change a lot.

Making his way to the top floor, he walked down the hallway until he was standing in front of her door. He knocked a couple of times, but nothing happened. Straining his ears he tried to make out something, anything, but it was absolutely quiet. Taking a mental note to thank his old friend later on, Red used the keycard to let himself in, gently closing the door behind him, before he made his way through her apartment, sidestepping the discarded jacket on the floor. He was glad that she had chosen to give him a key to her new place after all.

The lights were off and he carefully walked further into the room, as to not startle her. The moon was shining through the big glass front, illuminating her form in the most beautiful way. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the window and staring out into the night. He switched on the little lamp next to her couch, trying not to startle her, but she looked as if she hadn't even noticed him. Making his way towards her, he stopped just inches from her. "Lizzie," he spoke softly and he knew she had to have heard him. She didn't react in any way though. He could see the goosebumps on her skin as well as the tiny hairs that stood to attention. She hadn't even put the heat on. "Come on, sweetheart. It's too cold here, let's get you up." He held out his hand for her to take, but she merely looked at it, before looking away again. "Come on," he said again as he gently took her by the elbow and started pulling her up. "Come."

Her skin was cold the touch and he wanted to find a blanket to wrap around her, but before he could move into action, Liz threw her arms around his neck and hugged him hard. She was squeezing hard enough to make it difficult to breathe, but it felt so good. Red wrapped his own arms around her body and pulled her deeper into his chest. He had longed to hold her for too long. He rested his head on top of hers and sighed contentedly. "Let's sit on the couch, sweetheart," he spoke softly, walking them towards the piece of furniture, while trying his hardest not to trip, as Liz didn't want to let go of him. To be honest, he didn't want to either.

As soon as they were seated, Liz leaned into his side, reluctant to be anywhere but in his embrace. Pushing him into the corner of the couch, she turned her body so that her back was resting against his thighs while she curled up against his chest. She had never been this touchy before and there were no words to describe how wonderful it felt to have her so close.

"Lizzie..."

"Please don't," she whispered, her voice wavering.

He shook his head. "I meant it though. You can't ever do that again. You have to promise me that."

"Red -"

"Lizzie." She placed her hand where his heart lay beneath his skin and felt its steady but slightly quickened pace. "I could've lost you today."

"And I almost lost you," she replied immediately, her voice breaking as new tears surfaced. "I wouldn't know what to do without you. You can't leave me." The hot saltiness left her eyes and soaked his shirt, through to his skin.

He swallowed hard at the pain that her words had caused. It was too much. He didn't deserve her. "Lizzie, if something had happened to you... I couldn't live with that."

"You almost didn't, Red. You would've died there. You would've died!" She cried, fisting his jacket.

He was well aware of that. Hell, he had even made peace with it, while her name left his lips. But he would have never thought that it would pain his Lizzie so much. "Sweetheart, you have to realize that there's nothing and no one more important than you."

"And you h-have to realize, that y-you are important t-too," she sobbed.

Red sighed and pushed his nose into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent, the scent he had come to love so much. There really wasn't much that he could say here, and he didn't want to argue with her anymore, not after the night they'd just had, anyway. Her hand reached back to grasp his, lying gently against her back, and she pulled it more tightly around herself.

They stayed like that for a while, both trying to let go of the stress they had endured. Red dropped a kiss to the crown of her head and gently moved her to a horizontal position next to him, shushing her noises of protest. She still wouldn't let go of his jacket, not that he minded. He reached over and took a quilt from the back of the couch, throwing it over the two of them and tucking it tightly around her smaller form, before he pulled her back into his chest. He was well aware of the fact that this might be the only way the two of them would get any rest. He heard her sigh, her breath tickling over the skin of his throat. After some time he felt her body grow heavier as she slowly drifted off to sleep, and only then Red allowed the tears that had been pricking at the back of his eyes for hours to flow freely down his face.

She was perfect. He didn't deserve her. But by God he loved her. He loved her.


	3. Chapter 3

After Liz was finally cleared from the murder charges and Tom was in prison for committing the crime, Red had offered her a ride home. She nodded tiredly and let him steer her to his vehicle with a hand to the small of her back. They hadn't talked, both for different reasons. Liz was exhausted from the past day's events and Red was still trying to come to terms with what Dembe had said to him. His long time friend was right, he had to tell her, but he was afraid. Yes, Raymond Reddington, the ruthless criminal, was afraid to tell her, afraid that she would hate him, that he would lose her for good.

"Thanks for the ride," Lizzie said in a quiet voice, drawing him out of his thoughts, as she stepped out of the car.

Red met Dembe's eyes in the rearview mirror. Both knew exactly what the other was thinking. Almost simultaneously both men stepped out of the car, since the bodyguard didn't want his friend to be stabbed to death with a pen.

"Lizzie," Red called out, making the woman turn. "Would you mind if I… can we… talk?" He couldn't remember a time when his heart had pounded this quickly.

She looked blankly at him for a moment and then over at Dembe. "Would you like to come up?"

He sighed. "Yes, thank you."

Liz nodded and started walking again, trusting both men to follow behind. She didn't mind Dembe coming as well. She actually liked the tall man. The silence during the elevator ride to the top was slightly unnerving though. It wasn't like Red to shut up for such a long period of time. He did look a little unwell too. Maybe he was coming down with something.

She opened the front door and stood back, watching Red nod at her and enter without actually looking at her. "Don't you want to come in?" She asked as Dembe leaned against the wall next to her door.

"No, thank you, Agent Keen," he replied with a small smile.

Liz rolled her eyes at him. "I told you to call me Liz. Well, if you change your mind, just come inside." She patted his arm and then walked into her apartment, closing the door behind herself. "Would you like something to drink?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

She nodded and then went to sit on the couch, waiting for him to sit down as well, but he didn't. "Red?" He looked startled, a look she normally didn't see on his face. "What's wrong?"

He huffed a sarcastic laugh. "I don't know where to start."

She grew anxious at his obvious discomfort. "The beginning maybe?"

He smiled at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Lizzie… I need to tell you something and you need to hear me out, before you jump to conclusions."

"Just tell me."

Taking a step further into the room, he took a deep breath. "I hired Tom," he decided to cut to the chase, taking both of them by surprise.

"What?"

"I hired him several years ago to keep an eye on you. I was trying to make sure you were safe."

Liz wasn't sure what to feel at that moment. "You're telling me that you inserted this lying and cheating bastard into my life and –"

"No," he interrupted. "I hired him to keep tabs on you from afar, he wasn't supposed to come into your life."

She stood, her eyes blazing with anger and Red knew that the part of her hearing him out was over already. "He wasn't supposed to come into my life?! You knew!" She accused. "You knew who he was and you kept lying to me!"

"I've never lied to you –"

"And you hired another one of your killers to gut my pretend husband, to make it all more believable?!"

"No, it wasn't like that. I mean, yes, I hired Zamani for a reason, but it –"

"Make up your mind, Reddington!" She yelled, tears pooling in her beautiful eyes. "All this time you've been lying to me. You knew who he was, why he was doing this."

Red frantically shook his head. "Lizzie, listen to me, please. Back then I didn't know who sent him. That's why I told you to be careful. He turned out to be a double agent. You had to see for yourself –"

"I had to see for myself?!" Her voice broke as fat, hot tears started running down her cheeks. "You brought him into my life, but I had to see for myself?! You stood by while you knew, you knew who he was. We were going to build a family! Bring a child into this! Is that why you finally decided to come and mess it all up?!"

"Lizzie…" He swallowed hard, his own eyes welling up with tears.

"First you bring him into my life and then, when I'm happy and in love, planning a family, you decide it's time to fuck up my life some more. It wasn't enough that you took my father from me, no, you had to take the only other person that loved me as well!"

"Lizzie, it wasn't real. He played a role. You were a job, I was trying to protect you."

"A job. Like I am to you."

He shook his head and licked his lips. "That's not true. You're not a job, you never were. You know that."

She laughed at that, but it sounded cold. "You really expect me to believe that bullshit?! After everything you've done to me! You played with my mind, with my feelings. Gained my trust with the stories and scenarios you've created, so you could use me the way you wanted to, the way it suited you best! I was never more than a pawn, a means to an end." He could barely understand her now, as she was sobbing her way through the accusations.

It hurt to see her like that, to feel her pain through her words. Of course Dembe had been right, he should've told her before, but he couldn't. "Sweetheart, please, let me explain it all to you." He watched as she started panting, desperately trying to get some air into her lungs, while she couldn't stop crying. She was close to hyperventilating, he knew it. "Lizzie, you have to calm down." He stepped towards her, feeling the need to touch her, to make it right again, but she backed herself against a wall, her breathing even more ragged.

"You used me… All this time, you used me. Tom, Dad… You killed my… my father because he… he wanted to tell me the truth and you wanted to kill Tom as well! Because they wanted to tell me what a twisted son of a bitch you are! They wanted to warn me and you made sure it wouldn't happen!" She slid down the wall, hugging her knees to her chest, her whole body wracked with sobs and she almost choked on them. "You're a monster."

He tried stepping closer to her, but she yelled at him to stay away. "Lizzie, you're hyperventilating. You need to calm down, or you'll pass out," he tried to reason, his voice shaking slightly now as well.

"Leave!" She shouted. "Just leave!"

Red was at a loss, he couldn't just leave her like that, but he also couldn't just walk up to her and gather her in his arms. That moment the door opened and Dembe walked in, pushing past his friend and walking straight up to the woman sitting on the floor. He crouched down next to her and pulled her against his chest, fighting off her weak attempts to break free. His low voice was soothing and Liz relaxed in his embrace and let him pick her up without a struggle. Dembe shot a look at a teary-eyed Red that told the older man that he would take over now, as he carried her into her bedroom.

The moment the door was shut behind them, a sob escaped Red's throat and he had to lean against the wall for support, as tears started running freely down his cheeks. It hurt, oh it hurt so much, the pain almost tore his heart apart.

It was about half an hour later when Dembe walked out of the bedroom and witnessed something he had never seen before. There, leaning against the window front for support, was a shaking and crying Raymond Reddington, his forehead against the cool glass and his shoulders slumped.

"Raymond," the bodyguard called out softly, but there was no reaction. He walked over to his friend and touched his shoulder. "Raymond."

"I lost her," the older man sobbed.

"She will come around. You did the right thing in telling her." Dembe squeezed his shoulder gently.

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The young FBI agent hadn't talked to him over the next two weeks, hadn't even shot him a single glance and Red didn't push her. They were both hurting over this, but maybe, maybe she would come around, just like Dembe had predicted. He would give her the time she needed and then try to talk to her again. It was the only thing he could do. He hated how they had gone from cuddling on the sofa, to no contact at all. He needed Lizzie in his life, but she was right, he was a monster. He had done unspeakable things, but he just wanted to keep her safe, and it had always been his top priority.

Two weeks after he had witnessed one of the most heartbreaking and horrible things, had witnessed Lizzie's breakdown to his confession, Red decided that he needed to approach her again. They simply couldn't go on like this and he knew she would never take that first step. She was too thickheaded for that.

This time, he told Dembe to wait in the car, that he would take care of this himself. Of course he appreciated his friend's concern, but Red himself had to get a grip, had to make this right, on his own.

He was standing in front of the door, contemplating whether to use the keycard she had given him all those weeks ago, telling him that it was for emergencies and that she better not catch him snooping around. Well, he knew that she would not open the door for him and it was kind of an emergency.

Mentally preparing himself for the outburst of anger he would surely be on the receiving end of, Red used the keycard to unlock the door, before he pushed it open. The living room was dark and empty, so he made his way towards the bedroom, where soft light streamed from underneath the door. He took another deep breath and carefully opened it. Lizzie was sitting on her bed, her shoulders hunched and her head bowed. How long she had been sitting like that he didn't know.

"Lizzie?"

She turned her head and shot him an icy look. "What are you doing here?!" She spat.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't."

He ran a hand over his head. "We can't go on like this."

"You're right, we can't. We're done, Reddington. You can crawl back into the hole you've emerged from."

"Look, all I've ever wanted was to keep you safe."

"You inserted a spy into my life! A killer! You knowingly put me in grave danger!" She yelled.

"No. He double crossed me. He's working for the enemy, that's why he came into your life. I never ordered him to do this. He was supposed to stand at the side and make sure you were safe, not to –"

"Oh, he was supposed to do so, yes?!" She screamed, tears pooling in her beautiful eyes. "That worked out just fine, Reddington! All you ever did was endanger my life. The minute you entered it, you've tried to destroy it!"

"That's not true," he whispered.

"You burned down my house! Killed my parents and almost me as well! Then you planted a fucking killer in my life and let him marry me. We built a life together! We wanted to start a family! Have a baby!"

"I would've never let that happen." The moment the words had left his mouth, he felt her palm connect with his cheek, the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoing through the room.

"And if that isn't enough," she continued as if he hadn't said anything. "You start a whole new charade to make me believe your stories and then you kill my dad!"

"He was dying, Lizzie." Another slap landed against his cheek, reddening the skin further.

She angrily wiped at the tears that were already running down her face. "Was any of that real? Or was he just doing his job?!"

"Sam loved you," Red's voice waivered slightly. "He loved you more than anything. He knew what he was getting into." The third slap stung, but he didn't flinch, merely closed his eyes. He deserved this, even worse.

"So, another innocent was drawn into all of this... was killed because of you, was killed by you!"

A single tear finally made its way down his cheek, but he didn't wipe it away. "Sam knew what he was getting into," he said again. "but he didn't hesitate as he opened his door to take in a little girl. This wasn't meant to happen, Lizzie, and I am to blame, but I won't ever regret doing what I have to do to keep you safe. I wanted to know you're safe. So did Sam, and this was the only way we knew how."

He watched her arm as it moved back for another swing and let his eyes slip closed once more, accepting his fate. He deserved this, her anger and hate, her strikes, and he wouldn't stop her from doing it. Red felt the air brushing his hot skin and mentally braced himself for yet another slap, but instead of getting hit, he felt his face being cupped by gentle palms, before her lips covered his. His eyes sprung open at the touch and he carefully took her wrists in his hands, pulling them from his face as he pushed her back slightly.

"You don't want this. I am a monster. You should hate me. You should use me as a punching bag and then dump me like the piece of trash I am." He expected to see anger blazing up in her eyes again, another slap, and her yelling at him. What he didn't expect was the pain he could see at his words.

Her lids closed and a stream of new tears left her eyes before she re-opened them, so she could look at him. "You took so much from me."

"I know," he whispered.

"Don't take this from me too."

As she moved in again, Red tightened his grip on her wrists. "You'll regret this. I don't want that for you."

She shook her head and some loose strands of her hair fell into her face. "I wish you would let me make my own decisions," she replied, moving forward to seal his mouth with hers once again.

He tried, he really did, but he couldn't stop himself from enjoying her gentle touch for a moment. It was more than he could've ever hoped for. Pulling his head back, he licked his lips, tasting her salty tears on his tongue. "Lizzie," he whispered. "You have to stop."

"Why?"

"Because this isn't right."

"Why won't you let me be the judge of that." He sighed at that. "Don't you want this?" He looked at her, but stayed quiet for a moment, before opening his mouth. "Don't lie to me. You said you never would."

"I do," he finally said in an almost inaudible voice.

He saw a light flicker in her beautiful, blue orbs and felt his heart yearning for her. "Then kiss me." Red's breath caught in his throat at her demand. This surely was a dream, there was just no way this was the reality. "Kiss me."

Drawing in a shaking breath, he finally released her wrists, moving his hands to cup her face, just as she had down with him. His thumbs gently brushed away the wetness on her cheekbones and he took half a step towards her. The tip of his nose nudged hers, making her lips twitch to a smile and Red couldn't stop the corner of his lips from moving upwards as well. He shook his head, amazed by this beautiful, young woman as he pulled her closer. "Lizzie," he breathed out, before he leaned in a pressed his mouth to hers, moving passionately against her.

She flung her arms around his neck and pulled him closer and Red let his fingers slip into her hair. They kissed and nipped on each other's lips, a moan escaping here and there. When the need to breathe became too much, they finally broke apart, though they didn't move away just yet. "I never wanted to hurt you," he spoke.

"I believe you," Liz replied without hesitation.

"I should've told you. I just didn't know how."

She nodded, understanding completely. How did one share such a story? She stood on her tiptoes and pecked his lips soundly. "Sleep with me?" A smirk spread over the concierge of crime's face and Liz playfully hit his chest. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"It's always in the gutter when I'm around you," he replied. "I can't help it, you're just too enticing."

Liz bit her lip to keep herself from grinning too hard, as she took his hand and pulled him with her. When they arrived by her bedside, she quickly took off his tie, jacket and vest, and opened a couple of buttons on his dress shirt, not passing on the opportunity to run her fingers through the curly hair there. Then she pushed him onto the mattress and took off his shoes.

"Are you trying to get me naked, sweetheart?"

"Oh, please, get over yourself."

He chuckled at her comeback and wound his arms around her waist, using the grip to pull her between his legs. Leaning his forehead against her stomach, he sighed. "You truly are my second chance, Lizzie."

Her nails gently scratched over his short hair, making him moan slightly. "Come on, I'm exhausted." She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and then slipped from his embrace to get into bed.

Finding the most comfortable position, she snuggled into his side with her head on his chest, while his arms were wrapped around her, Liz deeply inhaled his unique scent. "What did you mean?"

"Mhm?"

"When you said that you both didn't know what else to do. What did you mean?"

Red gently kissed her head. "You were going away to college and we were worried about your safety. Especially Sam, because he couldn't keep an eye on you anymore. He asked me to find someone that would keep an eye on you and I thought I had found the right candidate..."

"It was Sam's idea?"

"He just wanted you safe, Lizzie."

They lay in silence for a while, both working through their own thoughts, when Liz spoke up again. "I don't need to worry about my safety anymore, do I?"

"Of course not," he replied immediately.

She leaned on her elbow and looked at him. "Because I have you."

He smiled at her, one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. "And I won't let anything happen to you." With a smile of her own, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his again.

Oh, she would never tire of that.


	4. Chapter 4

When Red woke up from his deep slumber, he felt somewhat confused about his whereabouts. His eyes moved over the ceiling that wasn't his, when her scent hit him. They had fought... and kissed and they had curled up in this very bed to sleep together. He closed his eyes and released a contented sigh. He couldn't remember having slept that peacefully. Turning on his left, he fully intended to pull her warm body against his chest, to cuddle some more before they had to face the real world again, but instead he only found a cold pillow. His eyes snapped open again and he looked around the room. Red got up and picked up his discarded clothes, before opening the bedroom door, listening closely to any noises, but he was met with silence. If he didn't know this was her bedroom, her apartment, then he would've thought he had been dreaming this whole thing, but since this was her place, he knew that she had left him to wake up alone. He hated it.

"Lizzie?" He called out nonetheless. He methodically went through every room (and the balcony) but came up empty-handed. She really had left him to wake alone and she hadn't even disturbed his sleep by sneaking out. He took out his cell and dialed her number, but of course she didn't pick up. Did she regret this already? With a heavy sigh he called his long time friend, asking to be picked up so he could get back to business, what else was he supposed to do?

When he had arrived at the post office, Liz had done her best to ignore him. She wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't even look at him and that was really all the confirmation he needed. He had warned her that she would regret it, but she hadn't listened and now she couldn't even look at him anymore. This was what he had been afraid of the whole time. There was no going back from this. His hurt pride had been obvious to people who knew him, especially Dembe and Red hadn't shied away from letting her see what she had done to him either. He had called her Agent Keen again, whenever he addressed her and his voice was cold, indifferent, even though they were discussing if they should be worried about that judge and whether the man would try to use any of the information against them.

Of course he cared, more than was healthy, but it seemed like she didn't, not about him anyway. Later that day he had found her sitting on the stairs, watching the harbormaster's daughter with her friends.

"Now I understand why you sold the apartment I gave you," he said when he had settled down on the steps.

"Eugene Ames was 67 years old. The only reason he was still working was to get his daughter through college."

"Be careful, Lizzie. Because the truth of it is, once you start down this road, there's no logical place to stop. You can see to her education, health insurance, housing," he chuckled. "You can watch her... or have her watched... keep her safe... try to ascertain her... hopes, dreams, desires. Pull strings, call in favors to discreetly smooth the path. And for the first few years, it may work. You'll draw some measure of virtue from being her invisible benefactor. But that won't last. It's all a fraud. That it's really not about her at all. That it's all about you. And you're just... going through the motions to salve your own guilt. Look, all the money, all the time and effort, all the favors in the world cannot possibly equal what you took away from her. Everything else is... just a nice gesture." To his horror, Red could feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes, could feel his lips tremble as well as his chin. Of course they weren't talking about Eugene Ames and his daughter anymore. Both were well aware of that.

He stood, missing the way Liz had to wipe at her own tears. "You knew about Tom, that if he came back, they'd exonerate him to protect the task force. He'd get his life back," she said. "You saved a man you hate... to save me." They looked at each other, both emotional and teary eyed.

Red's lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure if that was because he didn't want to reveal too much of himself or if he was aware that he would break down in front of her if he tried speaking up. Making up his mind, he turned and walked up the stairs, leaving her to herself.

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"Where is Tom?!" She asked as she stormed into his current safehouse, her eyes wide and her lips parted. He couldn't help but notice her beautiful chest rise and fall with every breath she took.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Where is he?"

Red settled back in his arm chair and took another sip of his scotch. "Lizzie, I'm flattered that you think I have control over everything, but I'm not the leader of North Korea."

She stemmed her hands against her hips. "No, but you have your antennas everywhere. Where. Is. He."

"Antennas? What am I, an insect?" He huffed a laugh.

"Reddington," she warned and he gave her a disapproving look at the use of his last name. Weren't they past this?

"Why do you even care?" He asked. "Is it because you still love him? Are you planning on running away with him? Maybe that is the real reason why you sold the apartment." Yes, he was still angry about that, hurt even.

They looked at each other for a long time, the tension between them thick enough to be cut with a knife. Liz shook her head. "You're an asshole," she said, before turning around and leaving him alone.

Red sighed heavily and let his head fall against the cushioned seat. He scratched a hand over his short-cropped hair and took another large gulp from his glass. How he hated it when they fought, hated how much it hurt him, he hadn't even thought someone could bring such feelings back to the surface.

He was beyond tired, exhausted. He didn't remember love being this tiring. But it wasn't really the love part, because that part was the most wonderful feeling he had felt in over two decades. It was that there was still too much left unsaid between them. They hadn't come clean yet, hadn't even discussed what would happen now, how they would proceed, if there was anything to proceed with at all. Mainly because she had left him alone in the apartment after they had moved on. Or at least he had thought they had moved on. And of course now she was angry at him again, but really, what was he supposed to do, to say? His questions were righteous. He had the right to know if she was still in love with that scum.

It would tear him apart and he was sure he would never get over the pain that would accompany the revelation, but he needed to know. Still, who was he kidding? It was way too late for that already. She would leave him, resent him, and he would be left hurting, trying to fix his broken heart, but to no avail. Usually Red counted himself a realist, but when it came to Lizzie and his love for her… he found himself to be quite the pessimist. It was hard not to be one, he had some experience on that topic already.

Deciding that dwelling in self pity wouldn't help him right now, Red emptied his tumbler and made his way towards the bedroom. He would try to sleep, even if it wouldn't come easy to him, less so than usual, because his thoughts were plagued with the fear of losing her.

Again.

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When Liz had made her way back to the shabby motel that she was once again living in, even though the movers weren't due for another couple of days, she had flopped down onto the bed, wincing as a hard spring pushed into her spine. Without a second thought she had sold the apartment, the apartment he had given to her because he wanted her to have a better life, away from places like this one. He had bought her an apartment and she just sold it only weeks later. What kind of a woman would do that?

She had done so many things to him lately, things she regretted deeply. She was hot, then cold and then hot again and it was confusing, even to herself, but she didn't know why she was like that. Maybe that was a lie. She knew, but she refused to see it for herself. Liz wasn't just hurting herself here, but also him and he didn't deserve this. He probably thought she was playing games with him, but she wasn't, she didn't mean to at least.

She was tossing and turning, but she couldn't seem to fall asleep, it wasn't because of the crappy mattress she was lying on, she knew that, it was her conscience that kept her awake. Hurting him was definitely nothing she enjoyed, especially when she got to see the look on his face. When they were sitting together on the steps, watching Eugene's daughter with her friends and he had launched into his advice, she had watched him and she knew, knew that he was talking about them and she had witnessed his eyes tear up and the way he was having a hard time swallowing. He had been close to breaking down in front of her and all she did was sit there and watch him, after she had sold the apartment he had so lovingly prepared for her.

The very same apartment they had shared their first kiss in, and their second and their third and fourth. And that fifth and last kiss before she had fallen asleep in his warm embrace, feeling safer than she ever had in her life. Why did she have to complicate things like that? He was surely angry with her, not just for leaving him to wake up alone, but also because she had sold the apartment without a second thought. How could she do that? She thought her actions had been noble, because she did feel responsible for the death of Eugene Ames and she wanted to at least give his daughter something to maybe soothe the pain. It wasn't much, but at least she wouldn't need to worry about getting her degree. She should have at least talked to him beforehand though, but her emotions were all over the place and she didn't know how to, she didn't even want to know how Red had found out, but in the end he would always know.

With a groan she proppeled herself up and stood, stretching her already sore back. She had to find a place to live and soon. She didn't want to stay in this filth any longer. Liz grabbed a thick sweater from the back of a chair and slipped on her shoes, before she left the motel. She needed to see him and now. Hopefully, he wouldn't send her away.

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When she got to his safehouse, for the second time that day... or night, she knocked softly. She wasn't sure what she'd do if no one opened. Thankfully she didn't have to think about not being let in, when the door opened only seconds later, revealing a dressed down Dembe.

"Hi," she greeted with a shy smile.

"Good evening, Liz." He had finally accepted that he was to use her first name.

She shuffled from one foot to the other. "Is he... is he here?" Suddenly all kinds of thoughts ran through her head. For all she knew he could be on a date, or maybe sharing his bed with some random woman or even... even Madeline Pratt. That thought alone made her shiver violently.

"He's turned in for the night," the tall man offered.

"Oh..." That wasn't as revealing as she had hoped.

Dembe stepped aside. "Would you like to come in?"

"I thought he went to bed?"

He smiled at her. "I'm sure Raymond won't mind." Liz took a step into the house, waiting until Dembe had closed and locked the door behind her again. "Down the hall, second door on the left."

She gave him a shy smirk. "Thank you."

"Goodnight, Liz."

"Goodnight," she replied, walking toward where he had pointed.

She carefully made her way through the door, closing it as quietly as possible. The room was dark, but not pitch black. She could still make him out on the bed, as the moon shone gently through the slightly opened curtains. As far as she could tell his upper body was bare, she didn't know what lay beneath the covers though, but the sight of curls adorning his chest gave her a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. Liz went towards the bed and sat on the mattress, trying not to jostle him too much.

His scent was gently penetrating her nostrils and she immediately felt her tense muscles relax. It didn't do much to ease the ache in her heart though. She dropped her head, her hair falling into her face as she sat in the darkness, listening to his even breathing.

She didn't notice when he woke, his eyes snapping open at the feeling of not being alone. After years of being on the run with danger lurking around every corner, he was always on alert. He watched her for a moment, only mildly surprised that she was there. His heart fluttered at the thought that she had come to him, but he didn't like her hunched form, didn't like how sad she looked.

Pulling his hand from underneath the pillow, he reached over and put his warm palm on her thigh, hoping that he wouldn't startle her. Her muscles constricted at the unexpected touch and she turned her head to look at him. The moonlight reflected in her eyes and Red saw that they were slightly wet. He didn't like that at all.

Her hand moved and she grabbed his, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He didn't ask for her to go into detail and instead tugged on her hand to get her to lie down. She followed his unspoken request and started leaning backwards, her head falling to his chest, while her legs were still dangling from the bed. His fingers threaded through her hair, gently scratching her scalp.

Liz leaned up and pressed a kiss to his jaw and Red sighed. He had thought she would touch his lips, longed for her to. He didn't say anything though, as he let his eyes slip closed and she knew that he was somewhat disappointed.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I just need time."

"It's alright, Lizzie," he murmured. "You don't have to explain."

"I feel like I need to."

"No," Red told her. "Never with me."

Liz shuffled around, wrapping her arm around his waist and hugging him tightly, turning her lower body so that her left leg lay on top of her right one. "I'm scared." She thought she felt his heart miss a beat at her omission.

His eyes snapped open. "Of me?" He said in a quiet tone.

How could he even think that? She shook her head, her hair sprawling over his chest, tickling him. "Of losing you." He was so wonderfully warm.

He swallowed hard and let his hands skim down her body towards her waist , so he could pull he further onto the bed, lifting his covers to tuck her against him and wrapping her in his warm cocoon. He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead and pulled back to look at her. "You will never lose me. Not if I can help it."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She sighed and tucked her head under his chin, placing a kiss in the soft curls on his chest and Red could barely hold in a moan. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, sweetheart. Take all the time you need." She only hugged him closer at that. "I bought the apartment at The Audrey."

"What?" She asked, pulling back to look at him and he could see the confusion on her face.

"Lizzie, I don't want you to keep living in some motel. I told you that."

"So, you bought the apartment… again." He shrugged. "Red!"

"Sweetheart, please."

"It's too much," she protested.

He tugged on her until she finally leaned against him again. "I wish you would've just come to talk to me. There was no need to sell it in the first place. I would've given you the money."

She knew that he was right, but she would've never asked him. "I don't want any money, Red. It's… it's…"

"Elizabeth," he said softly, knowing that he would have her complete attention by using her full given name. "I wish you would let me do nice things for you."

Sometimes she thought they were living on two different planets. "You always do nice things for me, Red. It's too much."

"I've brought so much darkness into your life. I will never be able to make it up to you, but I'm trying anyway."

They lay in silence for a while, until Liz spoke up again, "There is something you can do."

"Anything, Lizzie."

She couldn't stop the grin that was starting to spread over her face. "Never leave me."

His arms around her tightened and he placed a long kiss into her hair. "I won't."

"Then we're good," she said and snuggled against him. And then she remembered "And when someone does something nice, you're supposed to say, 'Thank you.'"

Liz placed a lingering kiss above his heart. "Thank you, Ray."

He hummed in delight and closed his eyes. "You're more than welcome, sweetheart."


	5. Chapter 5

Something was tickling his face. His face and his chest actually, and in his sleepy state, he wasn't sure what it was. He raised a hand and swatted at it without opening his eyes, but the offending something was still tickling his face. Red started turning, planning on burying his face into the pillow to escape somehow, but his nose came in contact with warm skin and he was pulled into awareness. Her scent hit him immediately and he knew exactly who it was that he was spooning.

Opening his eyes, he could see that her hair was sprawled everywhere. He still had some of it in his face. He lifted the arm that was lying protectively over her waist and dangerously close to a part of her anatomy that he wanted to touch without the barrier of her clothes, and stroked over her hair. He could feel two things for sure. One, his right arm, positioned under her head, was asleep, and it felt like millions of needless were sticking into his skin. Two, he was excited. Very excited. It was almost painful.

Scooting his lower body away from her backside, Red nuzzled the soft hair at the base of her head. His Lizzie was wonderfully warm and deeply asleep. He gently started rolling her over to face him, while tugging on the arm that was trapped under her head, but she wouldn't budge. Instead, she scooted backwards so they were connected from top to bottom once more, her hand grasping his fingers and snuffling adorably.

"Okay, sweetheart," he whispered. "I guess we can stay for a little longer." Burying his face in her neck, he put some of the blanket between her backside and his… excitement.

He didn't know it was possible, but apparently he had drifted off again and was now jostled because of movement in front of him.

"You're bailing on me again?" He asked, sleep heavy in his voice.

Her body stilled in his arms. "I couldn't even if I wanted to," she replied softly.

"You're the one holding onto my hand."

He felt lips against his fingers only a moment later and his heart fluttered in his chest. "Sleeping in jeans is absolutely uncomfortable."

"You could've taken them off. I wouldn't have minded," he told her.

"Right. I'm sure you wouldn't have. You love talking women out of their pants, don't you? It's a challenge."

He froze against her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She rolled her eyes, even though he couldn't see them. "Nothing. Just that you have a certain... reputation."

He was quiet for a moment, and then suddenly pulled away from her. "Not with you. Never with you." He rolled out of the bed and padded towards the bathroom.

"Wait, Red, I –" Liz sat up quickly and her hand flew to the back of her neck immediately. "Ow."

He turned at the exclamation, worry in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Ow," she only replied.

"Lizzie?" He walked back to her side and sat down next to her. "Talk to me."

"That stupid bed," she grumbled, rubbing at her neck. "There's that spring that's somehow pushed its way through the mattress… not here obviously, at the motel."

"I told you to just sleep at the apartment," he told her, his hands working on her tense muscles. He rubbed and kneaded her, drawing out soft moans and grunts.

She leaned into his touch, dropping her head forward to grant him more access. "Right there."

Of course she had to use that phrase. His thumb found the crease slightly behind her shoulderblade and pressed down.

"Oh, god, yes."

Well, fuck. Her moans were making it hard for him to keep his excitement in check. She was just too much.

She let him knead her sore muscles for a while, allowing herself to relax, falling further into his touch. Liz dropped her head to his shoulder, leaning against the side of his face. She reached up and took hold of one of his hands, pulling on it until his arm was wrapped around her. "I didn't mean it like that."

"You did," he replied softly. "But you can trust that I would never do that to you. I'm not playing games." She sighed and then nodded, squeezing his hand. "How about breakfast? Are you hungry?"

"Starving." He pressed a kiss to her head and slowly untangled himself from her, making to stand up. "But no pancakes."

He looked confused for a moment. "Why would I make pancakes? You hate pancakes."

Warmth flooded her body and she momentarily wondered if it was possible to love him even more.

If he noticed her reaction, he had decided not to say anything.

"Help yourself to anything while I get started on breakfast," he said. "And Lizzie?" She looked up at him. "Stay at the apartment."

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She was pissed and her head was killing her. Their latest criminal had somehow known the feds were onto him, and thanks to Captain America, who hadn't paid enough attention, Liz had gotten hit over the head. There wasn't any blood, but a huge bump that hurt like hell. That plus the fact that she hadn't eaten in way too long made her cranky. And instead of getting around to eat in peace, Red had the nerve to summon her.

The moment she stepped into his safehouse and saw his happy self, she could feel the grip on her anger slipping. Grinding her teeth and balling her hands into tight fists, she made her way towards him. He stood immediately and wiped his mouth with a napkin. Apparently, he had just eaten. Great.

"Lizzie!" He greeted with a big smile. "Excuse the mess, but we just had the most delicious pork chops and –"

"What do you want?!" She spat, interrupting him.

Red raised a brow at her, his smile dimming. "Right. Please." He motioned to a pair of arm chairs in front of a fireplace.

"I'd rather stand."

Nodding, he went to pour himself a couple fingers of scotch before sitting down. "I need the Fulcrum." He cut to the chase.

Oh, the nerve he had. "You're telling me that I came all the way here for that? Don't you think I have better things to do?! Like for example, I need you to put me in touch with someone who brokers shelf corporations."

"Good. I need the Fulcrum."

"Our ghost has a name... Vanessa Cruz. If I can find the person who brokered her..." She continued as if he hadn't said anything.

"Agent Keen, I'm loathe to play 'tit for tat,' but unfortunately, due to present circumstances, I must insist on the Fulcrum. I'm afraid it's become an immediate matter of life and death."

"I know how much it means to you."

"I don't think you do." He shot her a sarcastic smile.

"And you know how much it means to me to know what part I play in all of this. But you told me it's a blackmail file, and I'm a federal agent. I can't just hand over information to you that might give you leverage over people who, for all I know, run our government."

"Those people launched a missile strike on the factory to kill us in order to keep their secret a secret."

"This is about Tom, isn't it?"

He chuckled. "No. This is simply about me trying to survive. I'm perfectly happy to put you in touch with someone who deals in shelf corporations, but I need the Fulcrum. Think about it, Lizzie," he said and then stood up and left her standing in the living room.

Shaking her head at him and the games he just kept on playing, Liz decided that if she didn't eat now, she would end up shooting someone. And she was in desperate need for some painkillers and an ice pack.

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"Agent Keen wants to meet about the Fulcrum," Dembe said.

Did she change her mind after all?

The moment he laid eyes on her, he knew something was off. He stepped towards her, both now in front of his car.

"What's wrong?"

"I just spent the last 42 hours dealing with a man who is a lifelong habitual, pathological liar."

His heart ached for her. "Tom."

"Yes. Tom."

"Lizzie..."

"Don't give me advice," she interrupted. "This man, this liar, he told me something... Something that I need you to confirm. Now, before I ask, I want you to understand that... I expect you to give me the dignity of a yes or a no. Do you understand?"

He could feel his pulse quickening at her words. Just what had that man told her? "Yes," he simply answered.

"You hired Tom."

"I already told you that," Red replied, confusion clear on his face.

"I'm aware of that. What you didn't tell me was that you hired him to get the Fulcrum." His mouth opened, but for long seconds, no words came out.

"No, Lizzie..."

"Do you or do you not want the Fulcrum?"

"Yes, I need it, but Lizzie, can I explain why it has to be n -?"

Her eyes were wide and filled with tears as the pain of perceived betrayal almost knocked her to her knees. "No. No, you cannot explain. Here." She held out a black case, thrusting it in his direction. "This is all you wanted. Now you have it."

He ignored her outstretched arm. "Lizzie, when I hired Tom -"

She swore to herself that she would not break down in front of him again, but to achieve that, she had to leave, and now. "I said please do not attempt to explain why. I don't care why. I just want this to stop. I want it all to stop, right now. Take it!"

Since he made no move to take the offered item, Liz almost threw it on the hood of his car before she turned to storm back to her car, ready to leave him and all these charades behind her.

"Lizzie," he called after her, his voice sounded off. "Lizzie!" When she had reached her vehicle, Red turned, unable to watch her drive away. A sudden, excruciating pain tore through his chest, and it wasn't until he heard her scream that he knew it wasn't only his heart that ached.

"No!"

"Raymond!" Dembe called out as his friend's body hit the concrete.

"Dembe!" Lizzie screamed and dropped to her knees next to the man that had brought so much pain into her life. More gunshots echoed through the alley as Liz ripped her white scarf from her neck to push it against the wound. His blood soaked through the fabric immediately, and she felt the warm, bright red liquid on her skin. He would not die here. He would not get to die before she could hit him over the head for doing this to her. "Reddington!"


	6. Chapter 6

Liz was still pressing her hand to Red's wound as she ordered him to just stay still for once. She was scared. There was blood everywhere. Her scarf was soaked with the liquid and it showed her just how truly mortal the man actually was. If he died now, right there under her hands, she would never be able to forgive herself. It was her fault, all of it. She should have given him the fulcrum when he had asked for it and now she had managed to get him shot because she blindly believed in what her lying ex-husband had told her. Red had never lied to her before. Why would he now, especially after he had already told her that he had been the one to hire Tom? It made no sense, and thinking about it hurt her head.

The ride to the makeshift hospital went by in a blur, and as he was finally put on a stretcher and wheeled into surgery, Liz refused to leave his side, all while trying to stay out of everyone's way. She put up a fight when they tried to shoo her out. That was when Red's hand reached for her. Liz hurried back to his side, clasping his bloody fingers with both hands before touching the unharmed side of his chest.

At another time, she would have enjoyed seeing the curly hair on his chest, but now it was bloody, so very bloody.

He was gagging, blood still trailing out of his mouth - the mouth she had kissed in what suddenly felt like simpler times, a lifetime ago. "You need… you need to find Leonard Caul."

"Caul?"

"Leonard Caul. T-t-talk to Dembe. You need to find him, Lizzie." He coughed and groaned.

She didn't want to leave him, scared that she might never see him again. The pricking at the back of her eyes told her that she was already close to crying. She was an emotional mess. "Red…"

A strained smile came to his face. "Lizzie… go…"

She bit her lip and swallowed hard. 'This is not goodbye. This is not goodbye,' she chanted in her head as she moved forward to place a gentle kiss to his head. "Hold on," she whispered against his skin before she quickly started moving out of the room, afraid that she might break down after all. She turned back again though, her eyes watery. "Red... I lo -"

"We need to get started. BP is rising. Miss, you need to leave," one of the men in scrubs interrupted.

Her face turned crimson when she finally realized that they weren't alone and just what she had been about to say. Without another word, she all but ran out of the room.

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After their position was compromised and their surgeon shot, Liz had managed to get Nick to agree to help. There was a weird vibe in the air with her ex-boyfriend, her ex-husband and her… whatever it was that Red was in one place. She didn't care though. She didn't care one bit about Tom telling her that he was doing this for her or Nick bringing out the 'you-turned-down-my-proposal"-card. All she cared about was Red and that he would pull through this, because they had a hell lot to talk about and she would kick his ass if he decided to quit on her before she got the chance to hear everything he had to say. At least now Nick was working on getting that bullet out of Red's chest. He was good surgeon, no doubt. He could do this, but it still left her unsettled.

In the background, the monitor was beeping as Dembe spoke up, "Elizabeth. In Bethesda, there's a small second-story flat. In the flat, you will find a desk. The middle drawer has a false front. Remove it, and you will find a silver case along with a key."

She looked at him. "This is about the Fulcrum."

"Yes. You still have it?"

"I do," she confirmed.

"This case, the key... I need you to bring them here to Raymond, to Leonard Caul."

"That's why Reddington wanted us to find Caul, because he can decipher the Fulcrum."

"He's gonna be okay. This flat... Raymond can never know you were there. Do you understand, Elizabeth? I would go if I could, but I can't. I can't leave him alone. Raymond must never know you were there."

She knew how Dembe must be feeling that moment. She didn't want to leave his side herself, but what choice did she have? Apparently finding Caul and giving him the Fulcrum would be what saved Red's life and she'd be damned if she screwed that up.

When Liz entered the apartment, she thought she was thrown back to somewhere in the 80s. It was a small apartment, nothing like that places Red usually favored. Her eyes fell on a pillow and Liz couldn't surpress a smile at the words stitched onto it.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, sit next to me."

She jumped and gasped as behind her, a cat meowed. A cat. Red had a cat. She would have never guessed that. What else did she not know about this mystery of a man? "Hey, sweetheart," she cooed. "Hi, kitty." She stepped up to the pet and let it sniff her hand. "What's your name, huh?" Scratching the cat behind the ear, she heard it meow again before it started purring, clearly enjoying her touch.

Across the town, Dembe was standing at his friend's bedside. "The doctor says you did well," he spoke, his voice as soft as ever.

"Elizabeth?" She would always be Red's top priority.

"She's fine."

He sighed. "You need to go to my flat."

"I'm taking care of it," the tall bodyguard said.

"You were right, Dembe. I should've told her."

"I understand why you didn't."

Red scoffed. "No, you don't." He chuckled humorlessly "The blessing of an honest man."

"She still hasn't found Caul."

"She won't. But if she looks for him, he'll find her."

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And he did. Leonard Caul showed her things that she never thought were possible. Knowing that she'd had this information ever since she was a child was a crushing weight on her shoulders. The moment they drove by the site that Tom Keen called his home, Liz knew they had been compromised again. There were too many people with guns, not enough time, and a wounded Concierge of Crime.

There was only one thing she could do. It may put her own life in danger, jeopardize any feeling of security she might have left, but at least it would save Red and that was all that mattered.

They drove to the director's office and the FBI agent barged in as if she owned the place, not caring one bit about the threats that the man was throwing her way. She had the Fulcrum and she wasn't afraid to use it to save the man that she loved. Yes, she loved Raymond Reddington, Concierge of Crime, sassy son of a bitch, the man that could get her blood boiling with anger without even uttering a word. At the same time, he was the only one that could make her feel loved unconditionally. She would take on the world for that man, and by the looks of it, she might have done just that.

She walked through the entrance, ignoring the countless bodies on the concrete floor. Was she too late? Was he dead? Where was Dembe?

"Liz," Tom called out from an isolated corner, but she ignored him. She didn't want to see him, to hear any more of his lies. She would tell him to go to hell, but she didn't have the time. Where was Dembe?!

Liz almost stumbled into the room where he was helping Red back into bed. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, but roaming her eyes over his body, she couldn't make out any more wounds.

"Lizzie…"

His voice was her undoing, and the first droplets made their way from her eyes down her cheeks, blurring her vision slightly.

"You shouldn't have come here. It's too dangerous."

She shook her head and stepped closer to him, just shy of sitting on the mattress. Neither of them noticed when Dembe quietly slipped out of the room.

His left hand landed on her waist, the closest part he could reach, and she went with the touch, ever so carefully sitting next to his waist. "Sweetheart…"

A sob escaped her throat and her body dropped forward, her head falling to his shoulder as her hands gripped onto every part of him that she could reach without hurting him. "Red."

"Shhh… It's alright, it's okay." His left arm wrapped around her back, holding her to him while his fingers drew soothing circles over her blazer. "Please don't cry."

She sniffed, trying to ignore the antiseptic smell that nearly clouded the scent of him. "I was so scared..." His lips pressed against her hair in a gentle kiss. "That I was too late."

"Too late?" He asked. "Lizzie, what did you do?" She stiffened against him. "Elizabeth."

"I didn't know what else to do," she replied, her voice muffled by his hoodie. "You were surrounded."

"They just suddenly stopped shooting, and left," Red said more to himself than to her. "What did you do?"

"Caul found me."

"The Fulcrum. Did you see what's on it?" She nodded. "What happened then?"

She shuffled closer and buried her nose deeper into the soft nook of his neck. "We came here, but they were everywhere. So we drove to the director and I told him to call it off or I would release the contents of the Fulcrum to the New York Times."

"For god's sake, Lizzie! You threatened that man? Do you have any idea what that means?"

"Yes."

"I don't think you do!" His breathing was labored. He was probably hurting, but also unable to stop his ranting. "You just drew a bulls eye on your back. These people are dangerous. You threatening him, threatening them, was foolish. They will come for you. God damn it, Lizzie!"

"What choices did I have?" She asked weakly. "They would have killed you."

"So be it. My life isn't worth you losing yours."

"It is to me!" She cried out, pulling back to look at him. "Your life matters to me! Why can't you see that?!"

He grimaced, this time at the emotional pain that coursed through him. "Losing you would destroy me," he told her in a low voice.

"And you think I would be happy if something happened to you?"

He looked off to the side, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He wasn't happy with her decision, but he didn't have it in him to be angry at her. "You'll need 24/7 security detail. No complaining, no running off, no getting them arrested," he said with a pointed look.

"Does that mean I could just stay with you?"

"If you would prefer that."

"Yes," she told him immediately, already snuggling into his side again. "Because I don't think I'm ready to leave you just yet."

Her words warmed him to the core, taking the pain from the gunshot wound away with the love they carried. He didn't deserve her. "Never do that again," he whispered, but buried his face in her hair nonetheless.

"You know as well as I do that these words have no effect on me," Liz replied, pursing her lips to kiss the side of his neck and feeling him smile against her head in return.


	7. Chapter 7

Liz was standing in front of the makeshift hospital, waiting for Red and Dembe to come out. The older man had been particularly persistent that she would wait outside while he got ready. He was trying to pretend that he was alright, but seriously, he had just gotten shot, it was okay to be hurting.

She couldn't believe it when a few minutes later, Red was walking through the door, actually walking on his own two legs. Was Dembe out of his mind?! She was at his side immediately, throwing his arm over her shoulder, so he could lean on her.

"What the hell, Dembe? Couldn't you find a wheelchair or something?" The tall man was taken aback by her words, unable to think of a reply.

"I don't need a wheelchair. And this isn't necessary either, sweetheart," Red said, his voice still a little rough.

She shook her head but didn't let go. "You've just been shot."

"I get shot all the time, nothing to worry about."

"You shouldn't be walking yet though. Let's get you home and into bed."

He loved the way it sounded. 'Home and into bed', as if it were a home they shared. It made him feel all warm inside. "Why, yes. Michael here will make sure that you get back to your place sound and safe."

"What? I thought I was going to stay with you," she said, confused.

He knew she was looking at him, but he couldn't make himself look back at her, imagining that he could find pain in the depth of her blue eyes. "I need to take care of some business."

"You need to lie down and get better," she argued.

"I don't need you for that," he said, before he could stop himself. He was cranky and hurting and he really just wanted to go to his apartment, have a drink of scotch and go to sleep. Not that he was going to get any, now that he felt that he had hurt her with his words.

She had stiffened against his side, but thankfully they were at his car already and Dembe could help him get settled. "Right." Her voice sounded detached and he absolutely hated it.

He tightened his arm around her. "I didn't mean it like that."

She shrugged. "You don't want me wherever you're going now. It's fine. I'm a big girl." Liz untangled herself from him, making sure that Dembe was close enough if he needed help. "I hope you'll feel better soon," she told him flatly.

"Lizzie," he called after her. "Lizzie." She didn't look back at him and it hurt, hurt more than his gunshot wound, at the moment. With a sigh, he managed to get into the car.

He knew that he should have chosen a different safehouse, the stairs almost brought him to his knees, thankfully Dembe was there with him. He would have never made it past the first flight. Once inside, his long-time friend helped him to the couch, gently putting his legs on the cushion as well before going to pour him a drink.

Before he knew it, Meagles had jumped onto the arm of the couch, rubbing his head against Red's, purring softly. "Hello, buddy. It's good to see you, too." The cat pushed his wet nose against his neck before carefully walking over his torso, curling up between the back of the couch and Red's arm.

"Raymond," Dembe called softly, holding out a tumbler with scotch. "Do you need anything else?"

The older man took a sip of the amber liquid before setting the glass down on the little table by the couch. "No, thank you, my friend."

The both startled at the knock on the front door. Exchanging a look, Dembe took the gun out of the waistband of his trousers and went towards the door. After a moment, Red heard him open it, so it was probably Kate.

He wasn't prepared for the sight of his Lizzie standing in the middle of the living room. How had she found them?

"Your man… he's uhm… taking a nap in the back of the car," she said, rubbing absently at her scar.

Red just looked at her for long moment. "Dembe, will you check on Michael, please?" He nodded. On his way out, he couldn't surpress a small grin at the antics of Elizabeth Keen.

"Lizzie, I told you to go home."

"Yes, and you were being an ass about it, too. Still, I find myself here..."

He didn't want her here, not yet anyway. She didn't know about this place, the memories it held. He had to keep her occupied before she could take a look around. Knowing his Lizzie, that wouldn't take long. "Go home, take a bath, and get some sleep, Lizzie. There's no need for you to be here. I'm fine. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."

"Well, maybe I'm not," she replied, taking him by surprise.

He couldn't quite form an answer before he watched Meagles jumping from the couch, running over to where she was standing, rubbing against her and purring as if his life depended on it. That was when he wondered how she had even gotten there in the first place. Michael surely hadn't told her. And Meagles wasn't one to just cuddle up to strangers. She had been here before.

"You have a cat," she said, crouching down to stroke over his soft fur.

"Yes."

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a cat person."

He decided to play along for a moment. "I found him on a walk a couple of years back. He was too young to be away from his mother, but she was nowhere around. Probably roadkill. We took him in and made him well. He's been with us since then."

"He's cute," she said and Red nodded in agreement. "May I sit with you?"

"Be my guest," he replied, waiting for her to come forward with the truth.

Instead of settling into the nearby armchair, she carefully lifted his legs, slid onto the couch and put his legs across her lap, taking him by surprise. Meagles followed swiftly, sitting on top of his shins and bumping his head against Lizzie's chin. Traitor. He couldn't be mad though. The cat had good taste.

"You've been here before," he cut to the chase.

"What?" She tried to play it cool.

"Meagles doesn't cuddle with strangers. You've been here before."

"Red –"

"Don't try to deny it, Elizabeth."

She sighed. "Okay, yeah, I was. Dembe asked me to. Because of the Fulcrum… don't be mad at him. I wasn't snooping." He cocked his head to the side and gave her a look. "Not really… are you mad?"

How could he be? With the way she was biting down on her lower lip, her fingers worrying the scar on her wrist.

He watched her nod at his silence. "You're right. I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry." She started to get up, but he moved his legs to keep her seated and Meagles made a noise of displeasure before curling up next to Red's hip, so he was still touching Lizzie.

"It's done now anyway, so you might as well stay," he said, albeit not unkindly.

"If you're uncomfortable with me being here, I will leave. I understand if you don't want me here."

The problem was that he wanted her everywhere he went. Red sighed. "I just wasn't ready to share this with you yet."

They stayed silent for a moment. "Really, I should go. I don't want to make you even more uncomfortable. Maybe we can talk on the phone later… or not. Whatever you prefer…" She realized she was rambling and stopped herself. "Alright, I'll leave you to it now."

"Lizzie," he said, his eyes soft.

"Mhm?"

"Stay." She looked at him in surprise and he couldn't help but smile. "It was stupid to try to keep you away. Especially after I promised to do better. I didn't mean it when I said that I didn't need you. I do. I just don't want you to see me like this."

She squeezed one of his legs. "Like what? Alive? Because I don't care what you look like right now as long as you're breathing."

"Oh, Lizzie," he said softly, reaching out a hand towards her.

She took it immediately. "I was scared. You really scared me, Red."

He squeezed her hand, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean to. Come here," he said, tugging on her.

"But Meagles."

"He'll find someplace else. Come here."

"I don't want him to hate me."

Growling, Red let go of her hand and lifted Meagles, putting him on the floor. "Here. Now." She couldn't keep in the grin as she slowly made to lie down, careful of his injury. His arm wound around her immediately. "I missed you."

"You saw me half an hour ago," she chuckled.

Red turned his head and buried his nose in her hair. "My point exactly."

Her fingers were busy playing with the zipper on his hooded jacket as she snuggled impossibly closer. The cat jumped back onto the couch, looking down at both humans before extending one leg, getting ready to find a place on Liz's body.

"Meagles, no," Red said sternly. The cat meowed at him and proceeded to walk across her arm anyway. "That cat."

"Let him. It's fine."

"He can't just do what he wants," he complained.

"Red, it's a cat," she tried to reason. "They always do what they want. I like your jacket, by the way. You look so homey." Before he could form a reply, her hand had slipped through the now open jacket, nimble fingers caressing his chest hair.

He felt her recoil slightly when her fingers came in contact with the gauze pad over his wound. "It's okay, Lizzie. I'm fine."

"You almost weren't."

He took her hand from his chest and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. "I'm fine," he whispered.

She raised her head to look at him as she let her hand slip from his, lifting it to cup his face. There was a slight stubble there, and she was sure that he hated it already, but she actually liked it. Her thumb moved back and forth over his cheek, sometimes deliberately brushing the corner of his mouth. The way that he was looking at her made her knees weak, and she was grateful that she was lying down.

Ever so slowly, she inched closer, close enough so that she could feel his breath ghost against her face. It was slighty ragged and smelled minty. Her mind flew back to that one night at her apartment, the apartment he had bought her. The way his lips had fitted so perfectly against hers, his velvetly soft tongue pressed against hers. She missed it, his taste, everything.

She had been apart from him for too long already. Closing the last inches between them, Liz placed a chaste kiss on his lips. They were slightly chapped from the tubes that had been keeping him alive. Closing her eyes even more tightly, she tried to push the image of his blood from her mind. His mouth opened beneath her and Liz gladly followed the invitation. He still tasted as she remembered, and she couldn't help but moan against him.

His arm closed around her and he pulled her even closer. How he had missed her. He would never tire of her taste, the feel of her lips against his.

"Raymond, I have advised Michael to –" Dembe broke off at the sight of the two figures sucking face on the couch. "Maybe I should have told him to go home instead," he said dryly.

Liz pulled back, her expression like a deer caught in the headlights, her cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink.

Red chuckled, quickly kissing her head. "He can go home. Dembe, can you take Meagles for a moment. I'm afraid he's rather clingy right now."

"I wonder who the jealous one really is," the tall man said to himself and Liz had to laugh, despite her embarrassment at being caught red-handed.

"I think I'm ready for bed now. Would you help me up, sweetheart?" Red asked, after giving his friend a glare.

As soon as Dembe had the feisty cat in his arms, she carefully climbed off the couch and reached for Red's hands. He groaned softly when he stood, earning himself two worried sets of eyes.

"I'm fine," he assured both, cupping Liz's face in his hands and angling her head up to kiss her gently. Then he took her hand in his and started pulling her along. "Come. Have you seen my bedroom yet?"

Even though she was sure he wouldn't appreciate it, she put on arm around his waist, to keep him steady. "I actually haven't."

"Raymond, don't forget, you need to change your bandages," Dembe reminded him.

"Ah, yes, of course, would you give us a moment, Lizzie?"

"I can do it."

He actually looked somewhat scared. "Dembe has proven to be a master at wrapping me like a mummy."

"Reddington," she started. "Move. Now."

Only reluctantly he continued walking, shooting one last glance at his friend. "Really, Lizzie, it's quite ugly. You don't want to see this."

She wordlessly pointed to the bed and he complied, leaning back on one hand to take the pressure off his wound. Liz slowly pulled down the zipper until the jacket was fully open, exposing his broad chest and tummy.

"They just put the gauze pad on there… this will probably hurt," she told him. "I'll count to three and then rip it off. Ready?" He gave her a nod. "One," she counted and then ripped the gauze off his chest.

"God damn it, Lizzie! Fuck!" Red cursed, his hand flying to his chest, but she caught his wrist before he could get that far.

"Stop being a baby."

"It hurts!"

She looked at the gauze in her hand and noticed the hair that had stuck to it. "Yeah, well, blame someone else. They decided to put it on your chest hair… let me clean it and put another one on real quick."

"So you can rip it off again?" He asked, glaring at her.

"Don't be such a baby."

"At least shave off some of the hair first." She bit her lip at his request. "What?"

"I don't want to. I like it," she told him, her fingers caressing the thick curls. He had to admit, he loved hearing her say that.

He covered her hand with his and squeezed gently. "Would you rather rip it off?"

She stuck out her bottom lip. "No."

Smiling, he said, "Razor's in the bathroom cabinet."

After she had shaved off the hair in the immediate area of his wound, looking almost sad as she did so, she carefully dried the skin and put another gauze pad on his injury. "Do you have any meds?"

He nodded. "Dembe has them." She started getting up from her crouched position, but he pulled her back and kissed her quickly. "Thank you, Lizzie."

Liz smiled and stroked over his head before leaving the room. He made quick work of getting rid of his jacket and found himself a worn fleece button down. Getting dressed was a pain, but at least he wasn't in any danger of her seeing the scarring on his back.

"Red! Why didn't you wait?!" She asked, when she came back into the bedroom. "I would've helped you."

"Sweetheart, I'm no invalid."

"You just got shot. I'm here to help, so let me help."

He took the offered meds, the cold water doing wonders for his slightly sore throat. "Lie down with me?"

He didn't need to ask twice. Soon, they were both cuddled together, her arm laid protectively over his waist. "Thank you, sweetheart. I do appreciate you being here." She smiled into his eyes and leaned in for a loving kiss. "Lizzie… there are things that I still haven't disclosed to you… and I want to, just not yet."

"Okay," she whispered. "Whenever you're ready."

"Might not be for a while… I am however more than ready for another taste of those sweet lips of yours. My god, Lizzie, you're addicting." She laughed at his words and snuggled closer, tilting her chin up for better access.

With a smile, Red leaned down to touch her mouth with his, humming when their tongues began to mingle. The groan of pleasure was quickly replaced by a groan of displeasure and Red pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers.

"You left the door open."

"Mh?"

"Meagles, stop. She's mine," Red tried to reason with the cat, but he was too busy walking across the bed like he owned it, and then he curled up at her neck, purring loudly.

Liz giggled softly. "He's fine. Leave him. There's enough for both of you."

"I don't share," he growled. Before she could think of a reply, he'd covered her mouth with his once again.


	8. Chapter 8

He woke up to find her still asleep, her nose buried under his cheek. It looked like she was deliberately holding herself back, even in her sleep, afraid of hurting him. He moved his head to be able to see her face clearly and she made the most adorable noise in the back of her throat. Meagles was also still asleep, buried in her hair. The cat had it bad for her, he couldn't blame him.

She looked so peaceful, her face angelic. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her. Leaning in, he gently placed his lips against her cheekbone, then the tip of her nose, before softly kissing her mouth and her eyes fluttered open.

"Hi," she whispered, smiling shyly.

"Hi, yourself," he replied, leaning in once more to kiss her.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked, trying to stretch, when she heard Meagles purring into her ear. Reaching over, she gently scratched him behind his ear.

Red carefully turned onto his uninjured side and put his hand on her waist, not wanting to feel left out. "Not long." Her smile widened, before she reached over, trailing her fingers behind his ear. "What am I, a cat?"

"Well, you sure like cuddling like one."

"I'm a better kisser though."

She looked like she was contemplating that. "I'd have to check that." Liz made to turn her head, but he cupped her cheek, before she could, covering her lips with his. "On the other hand," she started once they had pulled apart. "I might have decided already."

"You better." He kissed her forehead and nuzzled the soft hair at her temple. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered.

"So am I." She lighty ran her fingertips over his face, caressing the lines on his forehead and around his mouth. She just wanted to touch him, needed to touch him, to reassure herself that he was alive and breathing. "Are you in pain?" He shook his head, not breaking eye contact. "Your eyes say otherwise. Red, you don't have to pretend you're fine. You just got shot."

His thumb sneakily slipped under the hem of her shirt, stroking over her silky skin. "I just don't want you to leave this bed," he replied with a cheeky grin.

Something fluttered inside her at his words. "But I'll be back. Tell you what, I'll find you something to eat and your meds and then I'll slip right back under these covers. First I'll need to find my pants though."

"I feel like I should be remembering last night's events," he said, slowly drawing the blankets further down, revealing the skin of her hip. She was dressed in a tank top and her panties, in his bed, right next to him. Red licked his lips at the sight.

Liz chuckled, swatting at his wandering hand. "When you're better," she promised.

In an instant she had his mouth attached to her neck, nibbling and suckling as his fingers grazed over the waistband of her underwear. "You're dangling the most exquisite food in front of a starving man. You're not playing fair, sweetheart."

"You have an overactive libido or so it seems."

"I can show you just how active," he growled against her skin.

Her fingers were back to gently scratching over his scalp. "I want you to get better first."

"But, Lizzie, I need you."

She had to bite her bottom lip to keep herself from moaning out loud. He knew exactly how to push her buttons. Gently pinching his neck, she pulled away. "You need food, your meds and sleep. And probably a shower," she said with a wink.

"We might be able to compromise on a sponge bath."

Liz laughed out loud then. "You're even cheekier in the morning. I'll be right back." She gave him a quick peck on the lips, before rolling out of the bed, bending over to retrieve her pants from the floor.

He couldn't believe that he hadn't even realized that she had gotten rid of them in the first place. This gave him the perfect view of her behind and he loved it. If he were mobile and not in so much pain, he would have rolled over to squeeze the soft looking flesh.

Meagles was up and running after her immediately. Apparently the cat also had a major crush on his Lizzie. Good thing he was just a ball of fur and not some Adonis that was lusting after her.

True to her words she was back at his side after only short minutes away. "Sweetheart, you didn't have to go all out," he said, looking at the tray of food she was carrying. There was a cup of tea, freshly squeezed orange juice, scrambled eggs and bacon, toast and even a bowl of fruits. She was either trying to make him fall even more in love with her, which was impossible, or trying to fatten him up.

"It wasn't that much trouble," she replied, setting the tray on his lap. "And you really shouldn't take those meds on an empty stomach."

He nodded. He could always eat, but right now he was actually starving and started digging in. "This is delicious, sweetheart. Thank you."

Liz settled down next to him, carefully leaning against him. "It's probably the only thing I can't ruin," she replied, stroking Meagles' fur; the cat had already made himself comfortable in her lap.

He swallowed the food in his mouth and looked over at her. "What about you?"

Raising her right hand, she showed him a cup. "I'm fine."

"You should eat something, Lizzie."

"No, it's fine. I never have the time to eat in the morning anyway, so I'm used to it."

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Lizzie. Here, help yourself." He turned the tray towards her for easier access.

Liz shook her head. "Really, it's fine. You go ahead and eat."

He frowned slightly at that, then taking a strawberry and holding it close to her. "At least have some fruit." Her features softened and she gave him a slight nod, before her lips closed around the tip of the strawberry. His eyes stayed on her mouth as she took the bite. After she had chewed and swallowed, she went for another bite, but he pulled his hand back and took her lips in a kiss.

She tasted even sweeter now. The mix of her and the strawberry was almost his undoing. He couldn't help but moan into her mouth; she was too much for him.

When they parted, he could see that he wasn't the only one affected by their kiss. Her eyes had turned slightly dark, her gorgeous lips were parted. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and he never would get enough of her.

"You're a tease."

"So are you," he replied with a soft smile.

They continued eating in comfortable silence. Red was feeding her some more fruit every now and then, as well as pieces of bacon and some of the egg. She had stopped complaining upon realizing that she was hungrier than she had first thought.

"Take your meds now."

"I don't want to."

"Red, you need them."

"But they make me sleepy," he complained.

"So? Sleep is what you need."

"But then I can't be with you."

He really had to stop being that adorable. It made it hard for her to resist him and she really didn't want him to further injure himself.

She turned her head and pressed a kiss to his temple. "I guess I could also use some more rest."

His smile couldn't have been bigger.

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It had been a couple of days since the bullet had been removed and Liz had used up all of her spare clothes from the bag from her car. If she wanted to keep her job, she had to at least look like she wasn't sleeping under a bridge.

"I won't be gone for long, Red. I'll run to the motel and get some more clothes and stuff I need."

"I don't get why you're still staying at that... place," he managed to get out. He was clearly not fond of the motel. "I thought we'd established that the apartment at the Audrey is yours."

"Yes. But I haven't really gotten around to moving anything yet, so most of my clothes are at the motel. The clothes I need every day anyway. So, if you want me to stay here, I'll need to run over there."

He still wasn't happy about it anyway. "Do you need me to get someone to help you move?"

"No, like I said, it's not much. But I've had more important things on my hands," she said, giving him a pointed look. "Don't look so glum now. I'll be back soon." She cupped his face in both hands and kissed him soundly. "Be a good boy."

He snorted at that. He was feeling way better already and they had spent a lot of time walking aimlessly through the apartment. He hated it, she knew that he hated it, but it was as if he was doing this more for her than for himself. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart."

It had been over two hours since she had left and Red was getting restless. The motel wasn't that far away from his place and even if she had taken an hour to find all her clothes, she should've been back already. He decided to wait another half an hour, but in the end he caved. Taking his cell from the couch, he dialed the number he knew by heart.

It rang once. Twice. Three times. Then the mailbox came on.

His heart started banging against his sternum. What if something had happened to her? They went after him first, but now they knew that she was involved, that she had the fulcrum. He should have never let her go alone.

He dialed again, his free hand balled into a fist, his eyes closed tightly, willing her to just pick up and mocking him for worrying over nothing. Again it rang a couple of times, before he could hear her voice stating that she would call back.

Without realizing he was up and moving towards the door.

"Raymond?"

"We're going to the motel. She's been gone for too long. She isn't answering her cell either, something is wrong. Give me a gun."

Dembe didn't need to be told twice. He got his longtime friend a weapon and some extra clips and within short minutes they were on their way.

The motel still looked as shabby as it always had. It physically hurt him to remember just how long she had lived like that.

Stairs were still quite a challenge for him and sweat was already forming on his upper lip and forehead. Maybe he should have taken some pain meds, but he'd rather be in pain and fully alert than doped up.

The two men quickly found her motel room. At first look everything seemed fine and undisturbed and then he could hear his Lizzie. She didn't sound as if she was in pain, but he could barely make out the words.

"You need to leave." They heard as the door swung open.

It was as if someone had paused a video and was only slowly forwarding it. Seconds stretching into minutes as everything went by like in a dream. Before he knew it, Red had his gun out and pointed at Tom, Dembe didn't hesitate to back him up.

What he hadn't counted on was Liz pulling out her own gun, poiting it at the two of them. He wasn't prepared for the pain. Pain of betrayal, of heartbreak. It almost brought him to his knees.

"Get out," Red said dangerously low.

Tom scoffed. "I was out, remember? You're the one who brought me back in."

"Get out."

The man didn't protest further, but left the room and Red gave Dembe a nod to follow him. The Concierge of Crime stayed where he was though.

"I came home, and Tom was here," Liz said as if it explained everything.

"He's back in your life," Red replied matter of factly. She had pointed a gun at him. She had pointed a gun at him, because of Tom. Fucking Tom. Maybe she had fucked him.

"He is not in my life," Liz protested.

He should've known better. There was no way a woman like Lizzie would actually fall for him. Too much had happened between them. She didn't need to pretend all these days though. "I understand what it's like to be drawn to something that is unhealthy, to a part of yourself that you are afraid of. But I want you to remember what your life really was with him, and imagine all that it could be without him."

He had to give it to her. The way she looked at him like she was close to crying almost made him cave. She wasn't that bad of an actress after all. "I don't have to imagine."

Staying there was not an option. He didn't want to be near her, didn't want her to see him as he wept in self-pity. He looked at her one more time, just one more time, he couldn't help himself. Then he turned and started walking, the gun hanging loosely in his hand.

"Red." She was probably standing in the hallway, watching him leave. He couldn't turn back. "Red, wait. Red!" He wouldn't wait. Not anymore.

"I will see you at the office, Agent Keen," he threw over his shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

His voice had sounded so detached, cold as ice. He hadn't even waited for her explanation. With shaky hands and tears in her eyes, she had called his cell, but he had switched it off. Maybe he had even gotten rid of it. He obviously didn't want to talk to her, but she needed to explain what had happened. The look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, it had almost brought her to her knees.

It was finally time to move on. Grabbing the bag of clothes she had hastily put together, Liz checked out of the motel and drove to his apartment in Bethesda. She stood there knocking for five minutes, but there was no answer. She hated that he could be so thick headed sometimes. It only took her a couple of minutes until she had the door unlocked, but the apartment was empty. Even Meagles was gone, along with his things. Liz heavily sat on the bed they had shared not long ago and let herself fall backwards. Everything smelled like him. She wanted to hug him, hit his shoulder and then hug him, before kissing him senseless. So maybe she shouldn't have pulled her gun, but it had been a reflex. She was an FBI agent after all.

She wondered when she would see Red again, wondered if he would give her the chance to explain. God, she missed him so much already.

She had gone to work a couple of days later, only to find him already talking to Cooper. If he was curious about the bruise on her forehead, he didn't let on. He didn't look worried at the least and his rejection stung. They had to get out of there and sit down to talk. He was being ridiculous right now.

The look he wore when she said that they needed an expert in microbiology who could also translate Russian should've let on that she wouldn't like this meeting very much. She had almost thought he would leave her stranded, but then Dembe had opened the car door for her to get in. The ride to his expert was uncomfortably silent.

She should have known. She really should've.

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"Reddy Bear!" The blonde and very attractive woman exclaimed. "Oh, I could eat you alive!"

Having to watch the two of them kiss the other's cheek with such gusto almost made her vomit. "Mm. Mwah. Ginger, this is Dr. Lauren Kimberly. Lauren, my executive assistant, Ginger Lumiere."

They had their arms around the other in a way that seemed way too familiar and Liz could feel jealousy running through her veins.

The woman looked her up and down as if she was an insect in a specimen jar. "Hmm. Interesting look. Purposeful, but still feminine. You should try a darker shade of lipstick." She gasped suddenly. "I bet you could get away with a gloss."

The fact that he jumping right onto the let's-judge-Lizzie's-look-train hurt, a lot. "Lauren, we're going to have to forgo the makeover today. We're in a bit of a pinch."

"Understood. Let me see what I can do."

She watched the way he trailed behind that woman, probably looking at her ass. He really could be a bastard. But she could be a bitch also.

"I've got a lead on my mom. An Orea agent, he has a CI who might know something about Katarina Rostova."

"Dr. Kimberly was a tenured professor doing genome research at Stanford when she was recruited by the private sector," Red said, not interested in what Liz had to say.

She leaned on the table and forward and Red wished he could just grasp her face and kiss her senseless before doing unspeakable things on that desk. "I'm gonna find out the truth."

Instead he looked indifferent. "She makes her real money consulting. Costs a fortune. She did, however, let me name a lipstick color—'Fire In The Hole.'"

Her cellphone started vibrating against her hip and Liz looked at it. Tom. Of course it had to be fucking Tom now. She touched the red button and put the cell away again, just as the woman walked back in.

"You're right. It is a weapon."

"A WMD?" Liz asked, all game.

"No. A WID- a weapon of individual destruction. This is a customized virus, synthesized with the sole intent of killing one specific individual."

"How is that possible?"

"He's created a supercharged rotavirus. These are very common. By the age of 5, most of us have been infected multiple times. And with each infection, we build up an immunity."

"So it's harmless to most people."

"All people. Precisely. But this rotavirus has been customized, keyed to infect one individual with a unique genetic sequence, and to devastating effect. According to the animal trials logged in these notes, it attacks the central nervous system within minutes of exposure."

"One person. But who?"

"I can only tell you what they're doing. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you who they're doing it to," Dr. Kimberly told them.

Red cupped the blonde's face in his hands and placed a kiss on each cheek, before kissing her square on the lips. Her eyelids fluttered closed and she returned the kiss in kind.

Liz couldn't believe her eyes. They had a fight, a disagreement, a missunderstanding, but to just kiss another woman, in front of her none the less? He obviously didn't care for her. Everything he had said, it were all lies after all. She should've known better, she really should've. There was a rattling noise as Red turned them around and pushed the doctor against the table, kissing her more deeply and to her horror Liz could feel her eyes filling with tears.

She couldn't stop them from flowing down her face, nor did she see Red open his eyes to look at her, before she turned to leave. Liz hurried out of the building, passing a puzzled Dembe and just continued down the street. There was no way she could sit in a car with him now.

When Red exited the building he saw the concerned look on his friend's face. "What happened, Raymond?" Red just shook his head and pointed towards the car. "She is not in there. She hurried down the street. I do not know where she went."

"Fuck," he swore softly. Taking out his cell, he dialed her number, but the call went unanswered. "Damn it, Lizzie."

"What have you done?"

"I might have been… friendly with Lauren," he told his friend.

Dembe started at him, his expression stoney.

"What? You saw her with that… that man."

"Raymond, you did not give her a chance to explain herself."

"There's nothing to explain!" Dembe just continued to look at him. After a few moments he sighed, his shoulders sagging. "Maybe talking would be good."

The two men got into the car and started driving back to the safehouse. The post office had enough information, if Lizzie had gone straight back there. There was no need to go there now, not with Lizzie being all upset. He would have to wait; right now the threat was the bigger issue. Red carefully leaned into the cushion; the little field trip had already worn him out. He was hurting and knowing Dembe, the man would make him walk around aimlessly again. He was not looking forward to it.

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Liz had cried the whole way to the post office, not caring about the concerned looks she had received from the cab driver. Once there, she told the team about their findings and soon after they were already on the way to find and secure the terrorist's target.

Nothing was ever easy when it came to their cases. The moment of joy when they had saved Hawkins, quickly morphing into shock and sadness, when they realized that the man had been infected anyway. He was dying, they knew it and still they did everything to get the man to the hospital so he could be saved after all.

Interrogating Karakurt proved to be a pain in the ass. The man insisted on his very own version of his identity, it was getting tiring rather quickly.

Her cell started vibrating and Liz almost groaned at the caller ID. "I don't have time for you, now," she said, her voice unkind.

He didn't seem affected by her tone. "Lizzie, you need to get out of there now."

What was he talking about? "Why? Where are you? What's going on?"

"You've been set up. The Cabal's been asking about you, Lizzie. They know who your mother was. You've been set up. You were there when the Orea building was bombed. They wanted you to save Clifford Hawkins. They sent Karakurt to the memorial to make you think he was the threat so you would secure the Senator and infect him in the process."

Her heart was starting to bang furiously against her sternum. Good thing she had left the interrogation room for some privacy. "I don't have the virus," she said, grabbing onto the wall.

"You do, Lizzie. I don't need a test to know that you do. Your mother was a Russian spy, and now they've made it look like you are, too. You have the virus. You infected the Senator, and now they will come for you. You need to get out of there now."

She grabbed the cell tightly, afraid her shaking hands would drop it. "I'm being framed."

"Yes, and by the end of the day, they'll identify you by name."

"Anyone could have infected Hawkins. He must have shaken dozens of hands at that memorial."

"Within hours, they will all have tested negative for the virus."

"You can't know that. This is insane."

Red sighed. His Lizzie was not like him, he needed to remember that. She was new to this world, new to how things worked if you had the money and power. "Lizzie, you walked into the Director's office and played him the Fulcrum. You are the enemy. They're crawling over every place you've ever lived and worked, every file and hard drive like fire ants on a grasshopper."

"They won't find anything," she argued.

"That'll suit their purposes just fine. Anything they do find, they'll erase so they can say you destroyed evidence to hide your involvement in the plot. And when they eventually restore what few pieces they do want to be found, they will not be kind to you. You need to get out."

"If I run, it'll only make me look guilty. I'll be playing right into their hands."

"You're already in their hands. The only thing they haven't done is closed their fist. Go. Now. I'll be there in three minutes."

"No. They can't prove I did anything wrong. They can call me a criminal, but I'm not gonna act like one," Liz stated firmly and then hung up.

It wasn't long until she had overhead the conversation between her boss and the Attorney General. She was shocked to say at the least. Cold sweat was rolling down her back, she was shaking like leaf and had the disgusting feeling as if she was about to puke.

Pulling out her cell once more, she dialed his number. "You were right," she sighed. "It's all set up. Cooper and Connolly- I heard them arguing. He's got it all figured out. He's presenting evidence, using my mother, making it seem like all I've been doing is helping you commit crimes."

His heart clenched at the tone of her voice. "Lizzie, are you out?"

"I'm leaving now."

"Dembe's on his way. As soon as you're out, find your way to Illinois and Ridge. He'll be there waiting."

She needed so desperately to be hold by him. His embrace had always given her strength. "Yeah."

She almost dropped the phone when the elevator door opened. "Hello, Agent Keen. We've been looking for you."

Red swore loudly, when the call broke off. He threw the cell against the nearest wall, watching it bounce off with a cracking sound. Fucking Connolly had gotten to her. It was time for plan b. No way in hell would that bastard get his Lizzie.

She was counting on him. Despite their fight, their lover's quarrel, as Ressler had once put it, she was hoping for him to get her out. And he'd be damned if he didn't.

She was running through the dark hallways of the post office. Cooper in her ear, telling her exactly where she needed to go. All she wanted was to get out, get to Red and just be held for a moment. She was close to falling apart and needed him. Now more than ever.

"Don't do this, Keen." Of course. Fucking Captain America.


	10. Chapter 10

He turned out to be more understanding than she would have imagined. He must trust her to some point after all. Maybe he really was a friend. She had squeezed his shoulder on her way out. A sign of gratitude for giving her the chance to show them that she had not done this. She was the victim here.

She didn't dare to relax until she was at his safe house. He looked more worried than angry, but they really had greater problems now, than their fight. She wanted to hug him so badly, but with Cooper there she couldn't. It almost tore her apart, not being able to touch him now. She was close to finding some excuse that would give her a minute alone with Red, when he told her that it was Tom calling to take her away. His expression had darkened immediately, thrown back to that one night where he had found Tom at her motel.

They parted soon after, still no physical contact between them. Only a 'be safe' thrown into the room. They had to talk as soon as possible, even if it was her yelling at him for kissing that doctor. Actually that sounded like a very good idea to her.

He had told her he was a sin eater, not explaining himself further. The lack of answer when she had asked about the sins he could have absorbed from her, made her angry, lash out. She was so tired of his constant cat and mouse game. She would take care of Andropov on her own and she had told him just that.

She had never actually planned on getting Tom involved, but if Red refused to be more open, then so be it. She should have known that the man would try to make her run away with him, but she didn't really care at the moment. All she needed was Andropov or any information she should gather on him.

Liz had pocketed the small usb drive, before the two of them had started chasing down the fleeing man, but to no avail. He was killed right there, in front of her eyes. She would never know what he knew now. She didn't even realize she had been hit. Just as she hadn't realized just what Red was doing to safe her at the same time.

"Where is she?" Red asked. He hadn't heard from her since the day prior.

Dembe called one of their men, telling him to find Liz and report back to them immediately. He knew that they had to give Red the information soon; he was unbearable when he didn't know where Lizzie was and if she was safe. More now than ever.

About thirty long minutes later, Dembe's cell chirped to life. He answered the call and his frown deepened. He hung up without another word.

"What?"

"She is unhurt, Raymond."

"What aren't you telling me?"

The tall man swallowed and then looked at his friend. "She is on Tom Keen's boat."

His breath was knocked out of his lung. She was with him. Again. Had this all just been a game? Pretending to be interested in him instead of letting an old man down, when he was hurt. He didn't know she had it in her.

"Raymond…" Dembe waited until their eyes met again. "She arrived last night."

Nodding slowly, Red stood and poured himself a drink, quickly tossing it back, before pouring another one. He should've known better. Of course she wouldn't love him, the monster he was. What a ridiculous thought. But going to the man that had lied and hurt her like that… it made no sense.

"I will be in my room," he said and left, closing the door behind him.

"Raymond!" He heard Dembe call out hours later; it sounded like he was anxious.

"Yes, Dembe?"

"It's Agent Keen." Only slowly he looked up at his friend. "She shot Attorney General Connolly.

"What?" Just as he spoke the word, his cell started ringing. It could only be her. "Lizzie."

"I need your help," she sounded scared.

"Where are you?"

"I killed Tom Connolly."

He closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to hold her right now. "I know. Where are you?"

"I'm on, uh, 7th and L, northeast."

"I'm gonna call you back in two minutes with an address. I need you to get there. I'm gonna get you out." He didn't want to hang up, but he needed to. There were things he had to take care of. And quickly so.

He found her sitting on a bench not long after their phone call. Hugging Dembe goodbye for the time being, he slowly made his way towards her.

"I remember," she said. "I remember everything."

"Remember what?"

"The night of the fire. I know what happened, and I understand why you didn't want me to find out. When I pulled the trigger... When I shot Connolly, I... It came back to me. It was like I was there. I could hear them arguing. He was hurting her. And I know why my father died that night. I shot him. That's why you blocked my memory… not to protect yourself. To protect me."

"Yeah."

It hurt to listen to her words, watching tears in her beautiful blue orbs. He had never wanted for her to remember this horrible night all those years ago. He heavily sat down next to her, unable to look at her.

"You're my sin eater."

He swallowed his own tears, working his jaw to reign in his emotions. "Tried to be. But I failed. I never wanted you to be..."

"What?"

"Like me." He reached out, feeling the need to touch her. His fingers touched her thigh, before running upwards to find her hand. He squeezed gently, trying to pull himself together. He had failed her, yet another time, but he hadn't been prepared for the pain it would cause. "This is us," he told her when a car pulled up to them.

Putting a hand on her back, he steered her towards it, helping her in, before getting in next to her. His thoughts were plagued with guilt. He hadn't been able to spare her yet another hideous thing. Maybe being a Mexican Tetra made him make the others around him hideous as well.

When her head landed on his shoulder, he worked hard not to tense up. Only hours ago had she been with another man. She had kissed him goodbye before going to Tom. The man that had betrayed her for years, that had chased her through their house, hurting her, the man that had held a gun to her head, used her as a human shield. But Red had been the one bringing him into her life, so he only had himself to blame. He didn't know what hurt more. The fact that even though he had tried so hard to keep the knowledge of that one fateful night to himself, she had finally remembered, or that she went to be with the enemy, after being with him.

They arrived at the private air strip in a matter of minutes. A man was just putting the finishing touches on the tail number. Red didn't speak as he led her up the stairs and she didn't dare to ask what would be next either.

He motioned for her to sit in one of the seats, not sitting with her though. Instead he went to talk to the pilot, then he went to the small bar and poured himself a drink. They had been in the air for about two hours, when Red walked through the aisle yet another time. She grabbed his arm to stop him. She needed him now. Her whole body was shaking already as the adrenaline had worn off and shock was setting in.

Though to someone that didn't know the man, it wouldn't have looked suspicious, but when he pulled his arm away from her, she knew that there was something wrong.

"Red?"

"Is there something you needed? You can find beverages and food in the kitchenette." His voice sounded cold.

"What's wrong?"

He snorted, the emotional turmoil together with the alcohol he had consumed in a short time span, loosening his tongue. "Apart from the obvious?!"

She was exhausted, physically and mentally and she couldn't stand this cold demeanor for much longer. "Yes."

When his eyes met hers, she was taking aback by the ice she found in them. "Why did you call me?" What was he talking about? "Why didn't you just sail away with him? Is he suddenly too good to get his hands dirty?"

"I don't –"

"Don't play stupid, Elizabeth!" He interrupted loudly.

"Are you still mad that he was at the motel? I didn't ask him there! He was there when I got there. I told him to leave!"

Red scoffed. "Right. Just like it was all a big coincidence that it was his boat you stayed the night on!"

Her face morphed from confused to angry. "Are you spying on me again?"

"Oh, so that is your main problem? That I was worried about you, since you're on the run from the FBI and the cabal and find you with him?! And you're mad at me for spying?!"

"I couldn't stay with you, since you didn't want me there! You rather make out with your Dr. Lipstick!"

"At least I didn't fuck her!" He bellowed. He had never lost his temper with her as he had now, but he couldn't care less. He took another sip of his scotch. "When we get to our destination, Mr. Kaplan will walk you through what your next steps will be."

With that he turned and walked into the small bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

There was a hesitant knock on his door. He didn't want to see her, but at the same time he wanted to. He was too weak to send her away. The door slowly opened, but she stayed rooted at the entrance.

"I didn't sleep with him. I used him to help me with Andropov, because I thought you didn't want to see me. We went to his boat, because he had a laptop there. He did try to tell me that going away with him was the right thing to do, but I would've never done that. I found out that he had stolen the usb drive I had taken earlier. He came back when I was looking through the files and apparently didn't like that I had found it. He… hurt me, I think I was unconscious for a while, but I got out." At that he looked at her, his eyes wide. "I would never sleep with him again. Not after what happened between him and me, but certainly not after what happened between us… I'd understand if you've already moved on… I… I haven't though. I guess I'll need some time. I'm not one to fall in and out of love that quickly… I'm sorry," she choked out. She quickly turned and left the room, thick, hot tears rolling down her face.

Seeing her cry was the absolute worst thing ever. It hurt so much, but at least she had told him that she hadn't slept with Tom, because she – she loved him. She had told him she was in love with him, why was he still sitting here instead of going to her? He stood, quickly making his way out of the small room. She hadn't quite made it to her seat and was instead sitting on the couch like seat, her face in her hands. Her shoulders were shaking, but she was not making any noise.

He kneeled at her feet, ignoring the popping noise they made and took hold of her hands. Her face was wet with tears and he squeezed her fingers. "Say it again?" He asked softly, not able to stop his own eyes from welling up with tears.

"I'm in love with you," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly.

He had her enveloped in his arms and hugged tightly to his chest in a matter of seconds, holding her tight enough to make it slightly difficult to breathe. "Oh, Lizzie," he whispered into her hair.

Her own arms came to hold onto him and he could feel her shaking, before a sob tore from her throat and hot tears soaked through his button down. Pressing a kiss to her head, he let his hands slide to the back of her thighs, picking her up. If he had taken her by surprise, she didn't show it. Carrying her towards the bedroom, he kicked the door shut, before lowering her onto the bed. She was reluctant to let go and he shushed her sobs. He went back to kneeling at her feet, carefully taking off her shoes and setting them aside, before smiling up at her. He hadn't realized he was crying, until she was gently wiping at his face.

Motioning for her to scoot back, he kicked off his own shoes and climbed in beside her. He made sure he had her whole attention until he spoke up, her face cupped in his hands. "I love you, Lizzie. I'm so very much in love with you. You're everything to me and I'm so sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm an idiot, Lizzie. Please forgive me, sweetheart. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I love you so much."

"Red?" She softly interrupted, a smile spreading over her face.

"Yes?"

"You really need to learn to shut up." Before he could reply, she had covered his mouth with hers.

He instantly melted at her touch, kissing her back with a passion she hadn't quite expected. She clung to him as he showed her just how much he cherished her and it made her momentarily forget about all the bad things. When he pulled back, his grin couldn't be bigger.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," she said softly.

He stroked the back of his fingers over her cheek, tucking some hair behind her ear, when he suddenly froze. "Lizzie?"

She turned her head and kissed his palm. "It's not as bad as it looks."

He remembered then. "You were unconscious. God, I'm so sorry, are you okay, sweetheart? Where does it hurt?"

"I'm fine."

Leaning forward he gently kissed the bruise at her temple.

"They're ugly though."

"There are more?" He asked, trying to keep his voice low. She nodded. "Show me." She shoved up the sleeve of her blouse, revealing a dark bruise from where he had grabbed her upper arm. He pressed another kiss on that bruise.

Liz bit her lip and lifted her blouse a little. He should've loved the smooth skin of her flat stomach, but instead his eyes had found yet another bruise on her side.

"I'll kill that bastard," he growled.

"Red… it's okay, it's done."

"He hurt you, Lizzie."

She nodded. "Kiss it better?" She asked, somewhat shy.

Without giving her a verbal respond, he leaned down and trailed his mouth over her exposed skin, using his nose to nuzzle certain spots. "He will never hurt you again. I'll make sure of that, Lizzie. I promise you, I will keep you safe."

"I know you will," she replied a little breathlessly. "Red? I need you."

He kissed her hard on the lips. "I promise I'll do everything to make you happy. To keep you happy."

Linking her fingers behind his head, she pulled him even closer. "I am happy where I am," she said, smiling into his hungry mouth.


End file.
